Creepiest Memorial Ever?

Or appropriate for a creeping sea invertebrate?

Paul the Psychic Cephalopod gets a memorial! We like the idea, though.

"BERLIN -- Fans of Paul the Octopus can admire a memorial to the mollusk at the aquarium where he became the World Cup prognosticator.

The Sea Life aquarium in Oberhausen unveiled the 6-foot plastic replica of Paul clutching a soccer ball in his eight arms on Thursday.

Aquarium spokeswoman Tanja Munzig says Paul's cremated ashes were placed in a gold-leafed urn inside the ball. Paul died three months ago.

Munzig says fans around the world had asked for a memorial.

Paul correctly tipped the outcome of all seven of Germany's games at last year's World Cup, plus the Spain-Netherlands final. He made his predictions by opening the lid of one of two boxes, each containing a mussel and bearing a team flag."

All Hail Plankton!

And the Winners Are:

Not the United States!

Winning bids for the 2018 and 2022 World Cups were announced a few minutes ago and the US lost out to:

Russia: 2018
Qatar: 2022

Brazil gets the 2014 World Cup so that means the US isn't eligible for a World Cup for the next 15 years. At least.

R.I.P. - Paul, the Psychic Cephalopod

In this July 9, 2010 file picture octopus oracle Paul chooses a mussel from a glass tank marked with a Spanish flag in the SeaLife Aquarium in Oberhausen, Germany. A German news agency reported the octopus that gained world fame by correctly predicting World Cup results has died. The German news agency dapd said Tuesday, Oct. 26, 2010 the death of Paul the Octopus was announced by the aquarium in Oberhausen. Paul correctly predicted all games involving Germany, and also picked Spain to win.

BERLIN — Sea Life Aquarium says that Paul the Octopus who gained worldwide fame with his perfect World Cup predictions has died. He was 2 1/2.

Aquarium spokeswoman Ariane Vieregge in Oberhausen said Tuesday that Paul seemed fine when checked on late Monday night but was found dead in his tank Tuesday morning.

She says that it was normal for an octopus of his type to die at that age and that he had died of natural causes.

Paul correctly predicted the outcome of all seven of Germany's games plus Spain's victory over the Netherlands in the final.

WORLD CUP: This guy loses!

EPIC FAIL!

You only need to see the first 3 seconds to see this guy get taken out by a security guard with a killer right hook! The best part - when 8 guys drag him off the field semi-unconscious!

WORLD CUP: SPAIN WINS!!!

After 30 days of great matches it's Spain that walks away with the coveted World Cup trophy.

The uneventful final was mind boggling for Dutch fans who watched the Orange Crush wander around the field chasing Spain for most of the match sans any of the crushing offense they had for all of the preceding matches of the entire tournament.

It was however, a very physical game with about 14 yellow cards and 1 red- the most ever given for a final game.


DIEGO FORLAN IS NAMED WORLD CUP's BEST PLAYER! He wins the FIFA Golden Ball. He had 5 goals and 3 assists. And we give his mother an unofficial "Golden Ovary". Way to go, Mrs. Forlan, you gave us a winner!

Diego's teammates celebrated by throwing him into the hotel swimming pool. Classic.

"It's as great as it is unexpected," Forlan said. "I never even imagined something like this, nor did I have my sights set on it. I'm enjoying it and I'm delighted but I'm very aware that it's the result of the spectacular tournament the team has had."

Spain's Goalkeeper Casillas was awarded the Golden Glove prize. He conceded just two goals. Wow.

AND NOT TO BE OUTDID: PAUL THE PSYCHIC OCTOPUS FINISHES WORLD CUP WITH A 100% ACCURACY RATE. The German Cephlapod was correct in every match he predicted. He is now the second most popular thing in Spain and is beloved around the world. His handlers are retiring him from the spotlight and want him to back to entertaining the children that visit the aquarium. Way to go, Paul! You've done wonders for your kind. We hope now that people can respect the intelligence of ALL creatures.

World Cup: Germany Takes Bronze

Germany wins 3rd place!!

It was heartbreak for Uruguay's Diego Forlan. He scored a BEAUT in the first few minutes of the second half but he missed THE CRUCIAL shot in the last minute of the game giving Germany a win 3-2. Never-Knew-Him-Before-Can't-Live-Without-Him-Now Forlan goes home a Hero. It was a great game.

Bye-Bye Diego. It was a great run.

World Cup Final is tomorrow: Spain vs Netherlands

PS: Paul the Psychic Cephlapod is Seven for Seven, having predicted Germany yesterday. He picks Spain for tomorrow.

The Case of the Psychic Cephalopod

This is Paul predicting a Spanish win!

Have you heard of Paul the psychic octopus?

Paul is an octopus that lives in a German Aquarium. His keepers put two acrylic boxes in his tank with the team flags and he will literally pick one to sit on. The best part? He's 6 for 6 on World Cup predictions! Until yesterday he was the unsung hero of Germany...then...he predicted the Spanish win. Now he's getting death threats!

Some Germans are so angry they want him served up for sushi!

No worries - Let's hear it from his "keeper": "There are always people who want to eat our octopus but he is not shy and we are here to protect him as well. He will survive."

Octopi are extremely intelligent. They have both long-term and short-term memory. They demonstrate problem solving skills easily. They also learn quickly, using observation - leading scientists to think that they are not instinct based at all, but learn just like us. They are known to have broken into ship holds to "steal" crabs in the holding tanks. They also break out of their aquariums in search of other food in nearby tanks! They are the only invertebrate which has been conclusively shown to use tools. They see in color and and have a great sense of touch and are in general just totally awesome creatures.

OUT!

There's no crying at World Cup, Crissy!

Portugal came out strong for about 2 minutes and then just caved in to outright thuggery as they tried to control the ball for more than 30 seconds at a time TO NO AVAIL. Spain dominated the game the entire match. It was beyond lopsided. They easily missed another 4 or 5 shots as the score was only 1-0.

Cristiano Ronaldo is going home. World Cup over.

David Beckham at World Cup

2010 South Africa was a FAR CRY from Germany 2006 when Becks scored his last World Cup goal. English papers today are crying out for him to be the new manager and replace Fabio Capello!

Reposting this pic because we can!

C-Ya!

World Cup's group C has bitten the dust as USA was eliminated yesterday and England suffered a humiliating defeat against Germany today 4-1. Rooney, club star, hadn't scored a single goal. Beckham sat on the benches looking disgusted half the time. They suck. HOWEVER, England got totally robbed when a scored goal was OVERLOOKED by EVERY OFFICIAL yet replayed on tv over and over again not to mention witnessed by say 40,000 people LIVE IN PERSON!

This is the worst called World Cup in living memory. Why oh why, with all of our instant technology are these calls allowed to stand? The world of sports needs to get over its stupid technophobia and allow instant replay across the board. It's not fair to anyone when a blatantly erroneous call goes unchecked. It sucks.

The Omni Report is now rooting for Uruguay -
Go Diego Forlan!!!

We're also rooting for Cristian Ronaldo,
we mean Portugal.

Bill Clinton parties with the USA soccer Team
including our SUPER-HOT Team Captain - Carlos Bocanegra

Bill Clinton partied with the USA team after the vistory over Algeria the other day. Way to support the team, Bill!

Now if we could only get them to drink an American brand beer, we would be happier.

Umiliazione!!!

That's HUMILIATION in ITALIAN.

Yes, folks, the world's defending World Cup champ has been left humiliated, defeated and in tears this afternoon by Slovakia.

The Italian team DID NOT WIN ONE MATCH. They tied their first two games in S. Africa and lost the third in a last minute barn-burner with one goal disallowed. MERDA!

This goal would have tied the game and possibly kept Italy in the Cup.

Addio, Italia!

USA! USA! USA!

WE WIN THE ALGERIA MATCH TO
ADVANCE TO NEXT ROUND!!!!!

LANDON "I'M A HERO" DONOVAN WITH
THE GAME WINNING STRIKE!!!!

GUT WRENCHING - UBER DRAMATIC FINALE!
DOWN TO THE LAST MINUTE! THE LAST MINUTE!!

After the game, Donovan broke down in tears as he was mobbed by his team-mates. He said: "It's been a long journey these last four years and I'm shocked, and so proud of our guys. We kept going and we believed. People that know me closest know I've worked so hard for this moment. It's unbelievable. I know people back home will be watching - we're not done yet."

You know Landon, we're finally, finally, finally, going to get off your back. YOU ROCK!

And if you say you worked hard - damn it - WE BELIEVE IT!

WE BELIEVE!!

USA! USA! USA!

Les Bleus Miserables

And they are going home! After what can only be called A Debacle of Epic Proportions, the once-glorified, once World Cup Runners-Up, once a good team - now bad, French World Cup Football club - Les Bleus - are going home after failing THE FIRST ROUND.

The French Coach has been dubbed "Crazy Ray" and has literally driven his players off the field.

1) Coach Raymond Domenech used astrology to pick his team. That we can let go. Screw it.

2) Then, he left top players – including Arsenal’s Samir Nasri and Real Madrid’s Karim Benzema – at home - not to even play in South Africa. WTF?

3) A halftime locker room argument between Domenech and Chelsea striker Nicolas Anelka ended with Anelka being sent home after France's 2-0 loss against Mexico. Again WTF? Coaches and players fight all the time, but wha? He sent who, where, why?

Philosopher Alain Finkielkraut said Anelka's infamous outburst was symptomatic of a "hooligan culture that has gripped the nation." It must have been bad. It wasn't profanity laced - it was profanity based - with other words thrown in for fun.

4) Anelka's teammates later refused to practice in protest. The French Resistance!

5) Before Tuesday’s game, Crazy Ray benched star defender Patrice Evra AND stripped him of his captain’s armband. Is it possible to bench a Coach?

6) Domenech also benched several other star players at this time. What a great coach! He's really in touch with his players feelings.

7) It was around this time that the French conditioning coach, AND French Football Federation Director Jean-Louis Valentin QUIT. Take that Coach Crazy!

8) French team loses first round at World Cup!

WE WAS ROBBED!

SHOCK and OUTRAGE over disputed GOAL!

We should have won! Again!

The Green Dragons of Slovenia came out in force today scoring 2 unanswered goals in the first half.

Then early in the second Landon Donovan FINALLY SCORED A GOAL!! And then USA Team was ON FIRE. They played an awesome second half.

We tied with a goal by Bradley and the place went nuts! THEN MIRACLE - A third second half goal by Edu...and it was called back. Huh? Wha?

Hands down, the worst call we've ever seen. The ref cried foul on the USA but when you watch the tapes MY GOD - Bradley was getting mugged! Captain Gorgeous Carlos Bocanegra was getting molested and Altidore was being held. They were mauled, there should have been at least 2 or 3 fouls called on Slovenia. Nuts!

Terrible. Terrible call. Edu was totally robbed. They literally had to pull Jozy Altidore off the field before he punched the ref in the face.

Robbery.

Vuvuzelas

Uruguay's Sig Hansen Diego Forlan

We LOVE LOVE LOVE the Vuvuzela. It's not annoying to us, one bit! Then again, we are the kind of people that get excited every time the American National Anthem gets sung and we find out THE FLAG WAS STILL THERE! YAY!!!!

Uruguay is super-hot right now! This is Diego, a Sig Hansen lookalike, who scored twice and almost a third in the game against South Africa yesterday. He's the National Hero of Uruguay as of this moment.

¡Mierda Santa! Spain's in Pain!

Switzerland celebrates

¿Qué sucedió? Nos supusieron batir estos motherfuckers del queso suizo. Somos atornillada! ~ Official Spanish Lamentation

Shock: World Cup Fans Executed for Watching Match!

Islamic militants have executed two Somali football fans for watching Nigeria play Argentina on Saturday night. This is why radical Islam is fucked up!

""The deaths happened in Central Somalia which is under strict Islamic law and forbids anyone in the region from watching World Cup matches.
Militants from Hizbul Islam arrested 10 fans who were also part of the group.
A further 30 people were arrested for watching the Australia vs Germany game the following night.
Sheikh Mohamed Abdi Aros, a spokesman for the militants, said that, "We are warning all the youth of Somalia not to dare watch these World Cup matches." He said that the people of Somalia should focus on pursuing jihad and not, "watching mad men jump up and down."
Hizbul Islam had previously invited Osama bin Laden to Somalia.""

Okay, forget they are friends with Bin Laden. This Sheikh Aros would rather have them waging war then watching a game. What an asshole.

The reasons why radical Islamists exsist are the following.

They NEED 1) Sports, 2) Better Food, 3) Air Conditioning, 4)To Treat Women BETTER, 5) Alcohol, 6) Fast Cars and Nice Clothes

This is our five-part reasoning for why so many guys in the middle east and Africa are so messed up. They have no outlet! For anything! The only way to let off steam is to beat your woman and Jihad on Western society. It is impossible for them to chill out with a beer watching a game and feeling up their girlfriends. There is no afternoon joyride in the Camaro. No afternoon delight. There are no grilled hot dogs and a cool pool. There is NO FUN AT ALL. They are hot and they are starving for good food that isn't so spicy it makes them go to war.

It is impossible to be a complete, humane human being when you are raised from day one to hate your mother, your sister, aunts, cousins - any female in your life. They are only half complete and are missing a part of themselves when they are taught to hate so early in life. Have you ever seen a stoning? It's sickening and kids get the front row seats. These men over there need Playboys and some lubricant. They are super-duper uptight for a reason, people.

It's a crime that they executed these poor people and didn't just pull up a chair, a hookah and enjoy the fucking game.

WORLD CUP: USA 1 - ENGLAND 1

We tied and that's great, but we really should have won. Jozy Altidore hit the post on a great save by English Goalkeeper Green who earlier let one slip right by. Plus we had the ball more than half the game and looked great. Team USA looked very good today.

Our Goalkeeper Tim Howard likes to scream at everyone all the time and that's good but he makes great saves too. Let's hope he can keep it rolling. While we're at it, let's hope that Landon Donovan tries to score next time too.

Look for Team USA in a match with Slovenia next Friday.

WORLD CUP UPDATES