Cave of Forgotten Dreams

Cave lions painted over 30,000 years ago.
They are the OLDEST discovered art works of man. THE. Very. Oldest.
And they look NEW.

Director Werner Herzog has filmed a masterpiece. The documentary movie, Cave of Forgotten Dreams, featuring Chauvet Cave, released last year and recently out on DVD, is breathtakingly good. GOOD. GOOD. GOOD.

In a word it is: captivating, enchanting, bewitching, enthralling, entertaining, awesome, astonishing, magnificent, moving, brilliant, mesmerizing, mind-blowing and outstanding. And More.

Of the 12 DIFFERENT Critics Choice Awards it was nominated for, this movie has already won 9, is nominated for the 2 others with yet another award pending from the twelfth. And guess what? IT REALLY IS THAT DAMN GOOD.

Now, we have it admit, it's not the movie that's good it is the subject. What makes the movie so ridiculously wonderful is that through Herzog, we get to be inside the cave. The viewer is transported into a cave where 40,000 years ago people went and painted the most beautiful pictures you've ever seen of ice age animals that you've never seen! It's a journey that is so well worth taking we are still stunned, as if we'd been there.

The tableau of cave art is the main attraction of this awesome cave, but what is even more unbelievably overwhelming are the cave bear remnants, the very fossils of cave bear skulls and scratches on the walls that look as new today as they have for over 40-50 millenia! Then there are the fossilized footprints of an 8-year old boy followed by a wolf! As Herzog points out, "was the wolf stalking the boy? Were they friends? Or were the imprints, captured in time, formed thousands of years apart?"

Not to mention the actual cave itself. Sealed by a landslide eons ago, it's main entrance forgotten to time, the cave is resplendent with stalagmites, stalactite's and calcite deposits creating works of beauty all themselves. It's a beautiful and haunting world. More than one researcher has commented that you can actually feel as if the artists were still there watching you.

To call it a treasure trove is a vast understatement. It is acknowledged by virtually everyone that Chauvet Cave is the most magnificent and important discovery in all of the history of human culture.

What Herzog has done is allowed us to explore the cave and it is unprecedented. Access is restricted to archaeologists, geologists, anthropologists and then only for a few weeks a year, a few hours a day, etc. No one just goes in. There are regulations galore. You must wear protected foot gear and walk on a suspended walkway only 2 feet wide and above all else, you must never touch anything!

For this alone, this first class ticket of admittance to the Chauvet Cave is priceless.

Watch the trailer:

A wall of horses and battling rhinos

This unfaded image, over 25,000 years old, looks as if it was painted yesterday.
It is that clear, pristine and perfect.

Wiki Article

R.I.P Ben Breedlove

This amazing 18 year old teenager died on Christmas Day but the 2 videos he left us are priceless.

Turn off the sound, it's awful, and read fast but do watch and read what he has to say because it's inspiring and amazing.

PART ONE:





PART TWO:

J.R. Martinez Wins Coveted Mirrorball

JR Martinez and Karina Smirnoff win season 13

Jose Rene Martinez is an amazing example of how ordinary people can overcome difficult and painful obstacles and accomplish extraordinary things.

JR's journey has been incredible. Born in Louisiana in 1983, he enlisted in the army in 2002. He was deployed to Iraq in 2003 and was there only 2 months when the Humvee he was driving hit a landmine.

JR was burned over 40% of his body. He was airlifted to Germany and spent almost 3 years in hospital recovering. To date he has undergone 33 surgeries and skin grafts.

This is where the story gets really inspirational. JR was asked to speak to a newly burned patient and try and comfort him. Not only did it work but JR discovered he has a way with people.

He became a motivational speaker and has been honored nationally for his work, on multiple occasions by various veterans groups and more.

He's a fixture on General Hospital, a groundbreaking role for daytime television.

As far as Dancing With the Stars goes, we liked Ricki Lake but are sick of Derek Hough winning and although we like Cheryl Burke, there's no way we wanted Rob Shallnotbenamed to win. So this was perfect.

It's thrilling to have a guy like JR, who breaks the mold in every way, win this year. He's already accomplished amazing things and we can't wait to see what he does in the future.

News Article

Another Reason Why Our Soldiers are Awesome

Shelia Schaffer with Charlie, Penny Herald with her dog Liberty and
Adam John Riniker with his dog Freedom

American soldiers are returning from Afghanistan and bringing war torn dogs home with them.

As any animal lover will tell you, you form more than just a bond with a pet. And when that pet has suffered along with you that bond becomes unbreakable.

The dogs go through a grueling process of travel and quarantine. It takes months for them to reunite with the soldiers who love them. But when the reunion process happens it's MAGIC.

These soldiers are spending their own money to have the dogs they bonded with flown to the US to live a happy life here. A life filled with food, love and hugs.

Awesome!

Read the article to see even more pictures and to read this heartwarming story.
Daily Mail News Article

A DREAM COME TRUE

They walk free

We heard about this possibility yesterday but held no hope for it. Could Myanmar, formerly known as Burma, really release "prisoners of conscience"?

YES. YES!

Over 300 prisoners were released yesterday to cheering crowds.

Myanmar has certainly taken the right steps in the last year. Elections, freeing Nobel Laureate Aung San Suu Kyi after 15 years of house arrest, overturning controversial plans for an environmental disaster of a dam and now this.

Many in Myanmar are disappointed by the small numbers of people released. Just 300 out of 2,100. But all of this was unthinkable just LAST YEAR.

We'd say that they've turned the corner and that things can only get better from here.

However, the political powers that be in the Western world will not ease sanctions on Myanmar until it has released all 2,000 people. Probably rightly so in a sense, but the only people hurt by sanctions are the people themselves not the junta cronies.

This is an amazing step forward.

President Thein Sein, a former military commander is the first civilian (if you can call him that) to rule the country in over 50 years. He is really making progress here and is to be commended. He just needs to keep it going now.

Amnesty Internation is not at all impressed and thinks the reforms are slowing down actually. We think they are out of their minds. This alone is super-impressive. The country was a hell hole for over half a century and its going to take a while for it to be all right again. Amnesty needs to cool down and congratulate this guy not get him all fired up again by insulting him. Baby steps, motherfuckers. Baby steps. But steps in the right direction.

300 today, maybe 300 tomorrow? And 300 after that?

This is why Amnesty is still angry. 300 is a drop in the bucket.
LET THEM ALL GO!

News Article

Graham Hancock's Important Message

Graham Hancock is one of our heroes.

Here is a video he made on location in Mexico that deals with some heavy shit.
Including the soul of man and altered states of consciousness.

It's WELL WORTH WATCHING.

John Walsh to Be Honored at Emmy Awards

America's Most Wanted host, John Walsh, is to receive a special Emmy Award in September.

Here's the entire news article from Reuters:

"(Reuters) - "America's Most Wanted" host John Walsh, whose TV crime show has helped police capture 1,500 fugitives and find 50 missing children since 1988, is being given an honorary award from organizers of the Emmys.

The Academy of Television Arts & Sciences on Tuesday said it will give its Governors Award to Walsh for making an impact on society through the use of TV.

"John Walsh has dedicated his life to the betterment of society, and while doing so has used television in an inventive and extraordinary way," academy chief executive John Shaffner said in a statement. "His contribution to society goes far beyond just hosting a hit TV show, but sets a prime example of how television can be used to convey an important message."

Walsh became known around the world as a crime fighter and victims' advocate after his 6 year-old son Adam was abducted from a mall near his home in Hollywood, Fla., on July 27, 1981 and found murdered two weeks later.

The case remained unsolved for 27 years until 2008 when police linked the slaying to a serial killer who died in prison and who claimed responsibility for hundreds of murders.

Walsh's personal tragedy is credited with sparking the creation of the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children in 1984 after President Ronald Reagan signed the "Missing Children's Assistance Act."

His work on America's Most Wanted, which tells viewers of crimes and alleged perpetrators who are still at large, helped spark child protection laws, including "The Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act" that tracks convicted sex offenders who disappear after they're released from prison.

He is one of three Honorary U.S. Marshals and was named "Man of the Year" by both the U.S. Marshals Service and the FBI. Walsh will receive the Governors Award during the Creative Emmy awards in Los Angeles on September 10.

(Reporting by Jason Kandel, Editing by Bob Tourtellotte)"

His show captured 1500 wanted criminals and found 50 missing children!

This guy, John Walsh, should be given much more than an Emmy. He is our HERO. There are great Americans and then there are the TRULY GREAT Americans. John Walsh is one of the latter.

He suffered a terrible tragedy when his son Adam was abducted (and God knows what else) before being hacked up into little pieces like that poor kid from Brooklyn a few weeks ago, Lieby Kletzky.

John wanted everyone to remember Adam as he fought hard to pass laws that could protect children from predators but in all honesty, it's John that we will all remember.

Adam would be so proud of his dad, like we all are. You know the expression "you fucked with the wrong guy?" Well, the scum that killed Adam fucked with the wrong kid because his dad didn't fall apart at the seams. He instead found his inner Superhero, donned an invisible cape masked as a leather jacket and went ape shit against pedophiles.

Many parents of murdered children have done great things to remember their children through tougher legislation on child predators. We admire them all.

John Walsh, however, we admire the most.

'Tonight the streets are filled with love'

150,000 people lined Oslo's streets yesterday for a gathering of love.

Each person held a single rose into the air as a sign and symbol of love for the fallen.

We don't even have words for this it's so beautiful.

Norway, we love you and we will always stand with you.

We love Thor Hushovd, one of our favorite athletes, We cannot get over the irony that during the entire month of July people lined the street of France waving Norwegian flags for Thor and then this happened.

We love Sig and Edgar Hansen from the F/V Northwestern and hope they are all okay right now.

We think of our Norwegian friends fondly and send them our thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.









News Link

Edgar Cayce's Birthday

Today marks the 134th anniversary of Edgar Cayce's birth in 1877.

If you've never heard of Edgar or think he's just another fake psychic, then read this post. He was THE REAL DEAL.

Born in Hopkinsville, Kentucky in 1877, Edgar Cayce was raised a rural, humble God-Fearing farmboy with no more than a 9th grade education. He read the Bible cover-to-cover once a year, taught Sunday School and trained missionaries.

He was struck by a debilitating case of laryngitis in March of 1900. He was cured through hypnosis in a series of sessions in which remarkably he diagnosed his own problem and had the hypnotist induce a post-hypnotic suggestion to help cure him. It worked and also introduced Cayce to hypnosis, trance and psychic healing. Something his religious upbringing rallied hard against.

The hypnotist also suggested to Edgar that he use this trance induced knowledge to help heal other people since it was so accurate and helpful in his own life. Edgar agreed, reluctantly at first, and under the condition that it would be a free service.

His fame grew. He was bombarded by treasure seekers, businessmen and every other type of person wanting information. Distressed by this, he turned down large sums of money and instead decided to use his gift to help only the sick.

By 1925 Edgar Cayce was doing this professionally for a living. He had a secretary and a system for doing readings. He would lie down and self induce sleep. This technique gave him the epithet "The Sleeping Prophet." His secretary would transcribe everything he said verbatim and gave each reading a number. This turned out to be a great idea for in his lifetime, Cayce gave over 14,000 readings.

Edgar founded several insitutions, one of which was the Edgar Cayce hospital in 1929. Located in Virgina Beach it was funded by a wealthy recipient of a reading.

Cayce began most readings with the words "We have the body." He was in fact not so much a pyschic but a medium or a super-clairvoyant, for it seems while in the sleeping trance-like state he was able to channel from "beyond."

It is said he was able to access the Akashic Records. This is the Universal record of everything. EVERYTHING.

What made Cayce so extraordinary was that this humble christian from Kentucky was uncannily accurate in alot of things, but mostly he was able to diagnose and CURE medical ailments of all kinds.

This is what he concentrated on for years before the esoteric nature of his readings took hold. Even through the esoteric Cayce was medically diagnosing until the end of his life.

Edgar Cayce was NOT one of those psycics that says 'I see a letter C or D' 'You are due to travel soon' 'I see your grandmother. She's behind you smiling'.

He would trance out or "sleep" while focusing on a particular patient. These patients usually came in the form of mail or telegram and would state the nature of their complaint or problem. His secretary would give a patients name and location (address usually) and Cayce's voice would then start "We have the body..."

Here's a typical example:

"8/2/32 Letter (to Cayce from Patient): "Have been suffering from high blood pressure for a number of years. Have tried many doctors and various diets without much result."

Edgar Cayce: Yes, we have the body. Now, as we find, there are specific conditions that disturb the physical functioning of the organs of the body. These, as we find, are more in the nature of reflex conditions, in the disturbing of the functioning organs, but are of specific nature in their condition. These, then, are the conditions as we find them with this body.

First, in the BLOOD supply, this we find shows in its elementals the nature or cause of the disturbance, in the manner in which the circulation takes place; it being rather of the superficial circulation, or slower in its action in the return to the heart than in its flow from the heart to portions of the system. Hence producing in the heart's action itself a high pressure in the conditions of the system. This makes for the inability of the full or complete activities that might be experienced were there a normal coordination between the arterial and venous circulation.

In meeting, then, the needs of the conditions as we find for this body. First, we would begin with those irrigations that will relieve those pressures in the colon area throughout...."

This reading goes on and on and was voiced in 1932 by Edgar Cayce, a man without any medical training or knowledge. It's a clear example, one out of 14,000 documented readings, of the intense knowledge coming through the trance state. He's channeling a "higher power".

Admittedly, not every reading produced a miraculous cure and some people were in fact not cured. But that number is well below something like 5%. And it cannot be proved that those people followed the directions in perfect order and precisely. In either case the astonshing number of cured or healed patients is in the 95% range.

Cayce's cures have lasted through time and to this day medical doctors and scientific modern knowledege have validated many of these cures and they are in constant use today.

He was unlike anything planet Earth has ever been gifted enough to see. At least in modern times that we know of. And he documented everything after 1923.

Many letters he recieved from patients led to answers he never thought possible. The so-called esoteric themes. Many a reading came back "We have the body. This entity used to be an Atlantean. Those of that race that lived 9,500 years ago" and so forth. "This person, once lived 75 years ago in New York City."

Edgar would ask to have read back his transcripts, for he remembered nothing while under, and literally be flabbergasted at what came out of his mouth. His Christian upbringing didn't have any foundation for reincarnation or past civilizations.

"Reading #5748-6:
Edgar Cayce: ...In those periods when the first change had come in the position of the land, when the Nile (or Nole, then) emptied into what is now the Atlantic Ocean, on the Congo end of the country. What is now as the Sahara was a fertile land..."

Geology has caught up to Edgar, as we now know, and have since mid-1950's, the Sahara region was wetter in the past.

The esoteric themes were as follows (from Wiki):

Origin and destiny of humanity:
"All souls were created in the beginning, and are finding their way back to whence they came."

Reincarnation:
Cayce's work teaches the reality of reincarnation and karma, but as instruments of a loving God rather than blind natural laws. Its purpose is to teach us certain spiritual lessons.

Astrology:
Cayce accepts astrology on the basis that our souls spend time on other planets (or perhaps their spiritual counterparts) in between incarnations. The position of the planets at our birth records these influences.

Universal laws:
Souls incarnated on the Earth are subject to certain spiritual laws such as, "As ye sow, so shall ye reap" (karma)

Unknown Life of Jesus:
Cayce presented narratives of Jesus' previous incarnations, including a mysterious Atlantean figure called "Amilius" as well as the more familiar biblical figures of Adam, Enoch, Melchizedek, Joshua, Asaph, and Jeshua. Cayce describes Jesus as an Essene who traveled to India in his youth in order to study Eastern religions, more specifically astrology.

Jesus and Christ:
Following New Thought precedent, Cayce distinguishes between Jesus and Christhood. Briefly, Jesus was a soul like us who reincarnated through many lifetimes.

Ideals:
Cayce repeatedly stresses the choice of an ideal as the foundation of the spiritual path. "And O that all would realize... that what we are... is the result of what we have done about the ideals we have set" (1549-1).

Body, Mind, Spirit:
Cayce often invokes these three terms, or their equivalents, to describe the human condition. "Spirit is the life. Mind is the builder. Physical is the result."

Meditation:
While Cayce sometimes described particular meditation techniques of sitting or chanting "Arrr--eee-oommm" the crucial element, he believed, is that of opening up to divine influences.

Extra-sensory perception:
Cayce accepted psychic experiences and ESP as a natural by-product of soul growth. God may speak to us through dreams (many readings consist of dream interpretation), or through intuitions similar to the pangs of conscience.

Atlantis:
The Cayce readings spoke of the existence of Atlantis, a legendary continent with an advanced technology whose refugees peopled ancient Egypt as well as pre-Columbian America.

Egypt:
Next to biblical times, the most significant era for the "life readings" was a pre-dynastic Egyptian civilization consisting of Atlantean refugees. Cayce purported to have been an Egyptian priest named "Ra Ta" who built a spiritually based healing center (the "Temple of Sacrifice") and educational institution (the "Temple Beautiful").

Earth Changes:
Cayce coined the term Earth Changes, a reference to a series of cataclysm events which he prophesied would take place in future decades — notably including the Earth shifting on its axis, and most of California dropping into the Pacific Ocean following a catastrophic earthquake.

Cayce "cures":
Cayce's medical readings typically prescribe poultices (often of castor oil), osteopathic adjustments, colonic irrigation, massage (often with peanut oil), prayer, folk remedies (e.g. charcoal tablets), various forms of electric medicine and patent medicines (such as Atomidine), and specific recommendations concerning diet and exercise. Cayce is often seen as a practitioner of holistic medicine, and has particularly strong philosophical ties with naturopathy.

"Cayce diet":
Major dietary recommendations include the avoidance of red meat, alcohol (except red wine), white bread, and fried foods; a preference for fruits and above-ground, leafy vegetables over starches; and a high ratio (80:20%) of alkaline foods over acidic. One meal per day should consist entirely of raw vegetables. According to Cayce, two or three almonds a day keep cancer away.

Dream interpretation:
Cayce was one of the early dream interpreters who contradicted Freudian views by saying that dreams can be of many different kinds with many levels of meaning; that lack of interest is the reason for poor dream recall; that only the dreamer knows the meaning of his dream; and that a dream is correctly interpreted when it makes sense to the dreamer, when it checks out with his other dreams, and when it moves him forward in his life

Although the 14,000 readings were documented beginning in 1923, there are over 8,000 more readings that were either lost or undocumented from 1911 - 1923.

"In fact, in their entirety, the readings discuss an astonishing 10,000 different topics. This vast array of subject matter can be narrowed down into a smaller group of topics that, when compiled together, deal with the following five categories: (1) Health-Related Information; (2) Philosophy and Reincarnation; (3) Dreams and Dream Interpretation; (4) ESP and Psychic Phenomena; and (5) Spiritual Growth, Meditation, and Prayer."

Edgar Cayce died on January 3, 1945. He is buried in Riverside Cemetery in Hopkinsville, Kentucky.

The book, "There is a River", details his life. It's a great read.

Edgar Cayce.org

A Dog is a Dog's Best Friend

If this video doesn't break your heart, then we regret to inform you that you have no heart.

You must click this Life With Dogs.tv VIDEO LINK and view this video coming from tsunami ravaged Japan this morning.

This dog refused to leave his injured buddy. You can see him implore for help at the :30 second mark from the cameraman.

News agencies are reporting that these dogs were rescued and the injured one is still under veterinary care.

Life With Dogs.tv VIDEO LINK

Adopt a Native American Elder

Native American activist and actor Jay Tavare is on board to help aid the most neediest of all America's population, the Native America senior citizens of Arizona and Southern Utah.

The Adopt An Elder program supports over 500 traditional Elders on the reservations that have no heat in the winter, except for the wood they have to chop themselves. They really rely on our kindness to help.

And have SO MUCH TO TEACH US!

These talented people weave authentic unique one-of-a-kind Navajo rugs and that is their only means of support. These spirit rugs are said to have a palpable energy.

"No two rugs are the same and each one is truly a piece of Sacred Art. The weavers are inspired by the spirit to weave the patterns that they see in their minds eye as they pray. Each rug carries positive vibrations and by taking one home, you raise the spiritual elevation of your home and feel the peace it brings to your family."

The Program has two food and medicine runs each year that depend on donations. And host the spectacular Annual Navajo Rug Show and Sale each November in Park City, Utah.

Please read about Jay and his hope to spread the word about this unique and wonderful program: Huff Post Article

To learn even more go to the official website. They need our help!
An Elder.org

This concept is so great and can be expanded though to all elders of our society. Please donate your time and energy and of course some funds to the following charities and organizations that help our senior citizens.

Dreams for Seniors

National Council on Aging

Twilight Wish

Healthy Years

Alexander Supertramp: "I Now Walk Into The Wild"

Alexander Supertramp was the alter ego nickname that Christoper McCandless gave himself that fateful summer he took off for Alaska.

Chris would have turned 43 on February 12, but sadly died of starvation when he was just 24 years old. We're sorry we missed his actual birthday, so we are doing this post today in memoriam.

Chris is the subject of the awesome book "Into the Wild" by Jon Krakauer and the movie of the same title, directed by Sean Penn.

From the website: ChristopherMccandless.info

"Shortly after graduation, he gave the remaining money from his education fund to Oxfam. The cheque written by Chris on 15th May 1990, totalled $24,000. He then left quietly from home to begin his adventures and assumed the name Alexander Supertramp of which he got from the book The Autobiography of a Super-Tramp by William H. Davies from 1908. When asked by someone where his family were, he would reply that he didn't have a family anymore.

He travelled through various states of America in his car (which he left after it was caught in a flash flood) and by train, hiking, canoeing and of course walking. The challenge to himself was to travel with the least amount of belongings as possible and as little money as possible. He had no map and no agenda, just the will to travel.

His dream was the Alaskan adventure and he would tell this to those he met along the way. Some people he worked for on odd jobs would try to convince him to stay and some would insist on giving him supplies to help with the journey. He seldom accepted.

He reached his final destination on April 28, 1992 in Fairbanks Alaska.

Four months later he would perish from a combination of errors and his body was found in an abandoned old Fairbanks City Transit Bus numbered 142 which was located on the Stampede Trail.

He kept a journal along the way and took self portraits now and then. His final self portrait was a picture of him holding a farewell note in his left hand and waving with his right hand. He was but 30kg in weight and eventually died of starvation and possibly poisoning from fungus on some fruit he had eaten."

What makes Chris's story so heartbreaking was that he gave away his money to charity (ironically a food bank) and took off on an adventure.

He thought he would be safe in Alaska. The errors he made weren't many but they were HUGE.

First, he crossed over what was a small stream in the spring, when he tried to cross back over a few weeks later, the small stream had morphed from spring rains into a raging river almost a mile wide. He was forced to turn back to his bus.

Secondly, the food situation. One of the first things he did was go hunting. He shot and killed a moose. At first, he was elated to have provided for himself. Then he was shocked and saddened to realize he had no way to preserve the meat. It rotted away in huge clumps. This depressed him because he had killed a beautiful creature for nothing. He decided to only kill smaller animals and eat plants to get him through. He had a guide book that he thought would be useful. Almost at the point of starvation, he finally found plants he thought were okay to eat, but it turned out to be too early in summer for them, they hadn't matured and the plant was poisonous. He was weakened to the point where he could not leave the bus to hunt or get water and he starved to death.

We were always touched by Chris's story. He had the fortitude to give up everything and try to live FREE.

We're not the only ones...Chris is now a legend and will forever live on...in the wild.

Here is a letter found years later on Bus #142. A letter for Chris.


Click to enlarge.

"The Magic Bus" has taken on a life if its own. From the website: ChristopherMccandless.info

"The Stampede Trail to Bus 142 is becoming a more popular hiking destination these days. Virtually unheard of, to anyone outside the state of Alaska before Krakauer’s article in Outside Magazine, the trail has seen a vast increase in traffic since the release of Sean Penn’s film in 2007.

The story of Christopher McCandless, restless and footloose, stirs within many of us a hunger for adventure that is hard to quiet. I can’t begin to recall how many times I’ve heard, “Oh Man! I read that book! I really want to get out to that bus someday!” or “That movie was really great. I really want to see the bus.” The desire to see the bus, is often equated (in the minds of many Alaskans) to some kind of worship of Chris, or a celebration of naiveté. I feel this is an unfair characterization. For me, the desire to see the bus was rooted in my will to better understand his story."

Please visit that website for all the info you need to get to Denali National Park and the pilgramage to Bus #142 of the Fairbanks City Transit System, Chris's final home...

Sir Elton Says "Fuck You" to Gay Marriage Opponets

In his own words from the American Foundation for Equal Rights fundraiser Wednesday night billed as "Intimate Benefit Concert with Elton John":

"As a gay man I think I have it all," he told the crowd between songs. "I have a wonderful career, a wonderful life. I have my health, I have a partner of 17 years and I have a son. And you know what, I don't have everything, because I don't have the respect of people like the church, and people like politicians who tell me that I am not worthy or that I am 'less than' because I am gay. Well, fuck you."

Well said, Sir Elton. That totally and completely sums it up. The guy is a writer after all and has a way with words.

BTW, he raised a cool $3 Million for the organization. Way to go!

Man's Best Friend

As someone once said,
"The more people I meet, the more I like my dog."

The reports and images coming out of the Brazilian floods are so tragic. This particular image, however, broke our heart in so many ways.

A dog has kept a 2 day vigil next to her owners grave.
You know, they really are our best friends.

"Leao, a medium-sized brown mutt, lies next to the grave of her owner, Cristina Maria Cesario Santana, who died in the catastrophic landslides caused by heavy rain. This AFP/Getty picture was taken on Saturday, the second consecutive day that the dog refused to leave the woman's grave at the cemetery in Teresopolis, near Rio de Janiero."

We are praying for the men, women and children and animals of the flooded towns in Brazil...

The Saddest Thing We'll EVER Publish - AND WE URGE YOU TO READ IT

Bill Zeller on the Princeton Campus

Today, we read a suicide note so full of pain that it was (it is) extremely hard to bear. We will publish it in it's entirety, as he wanted it, for reasons he explains at the end, although we're not sure if he knew that the entire world would read it.

Bill Zeller, unheard of until the mass publication of this note today, killed himself by hanging. Actually the attempt failed initally, but he died yesterday at hospital in Princeton, NJ of the complications from it.

Bill Zeller was a Princeton Ph.D candidate and renowned internet programmer. In fact, he is described by colleagues and students as brilliant. He was a programming whiz kid, responsible for creating applications such as Graph Your Inbox, which visualizes Gmail use over time, and myTunes, which enables users to download others' iTunes music. At 27 years old, sadly he was just beginning to put his programming skills to work.

It's hard not to be touched by this staggering 4,000 word suicide note. It's much more than that. We wonder what is wrong with a society that allows child molesters to be set free after serving a few paltry years in prison. We demand that it become a crime worthy of capital punishment. At the very least it should carry an automatic life sentence with no parole if convicted.

Here is Bill's note. Do not be too scared or too repulsed to read it. Do not be angry we posted it. He wrote it for all of us to understand. So that we may have the courage to do something about it.

It's long but stay with it. His message deserves to be heard. It was originally published on his website.

"I have the urge to declare my sanity and justify my actions, but I assume I'll never be able to convince anyone that this was the right decision. Maybe it's true that anyone who does this is insane by definition, but I can at least explain my reasoning. I considered not writing any of this because of how personal it is, but I like tying up loose ends and don't want people to wonder why I did this. Since I've never spoken to anyone about what happened to me, people would likely draw the wrong conclusions.

My first memories as a child are of being raped, repeatedly. This has affected every aspect of my life. This darkness, which is the only way I can describe it, has followed me like a fog, but at times intensified and overwhelmed me, usually triggered by a distinct situation. In kindergarten I couldn't use the bathroom and would stand petrified whenever I needed to, which started a trend of awkward and unexplained social behavior. The damage that was done to my body still prevents me from using the bathroom normally, but now it's less of a physical impediment than a daily reminder of what was done to me.

This darkness followed me as I grew up. I remember spending hours playing with legos, having my world consist of me and a box of cold, plastic blocks. Just waiting for everything to end. It's the same thing I do now, but instead of legos it's surfing the web or reading or listening to a baseball game. Most of my life has been spent feeling dead inside, waiting for my body to catch up.

At times growing up I would feel inconsolable rage, but I never connected this to what happened until puberty. I was able to keep the darkness at bay for a few hours at a time by doing things that required intense concentration, but it would always come back. Programming appealed to me for this reason. I was never particularly fond of computers or mathematically inclined, but the temporary peace it would provide was like a drug. But the darkness always returned and built up something like a tolerance, because programming has become less and less of a refuge.

The darkness is with me nearly every time I wake up. I feel like a grime is covering me. I feel like I'm trapped in a contimated body that no amount of washing will clean. Whenever I think about what happened I feel manic and itchy and can't concentrate on anything else. It manifests itself in hours of eating or staying up for days at a time or sleeping for sixteen hours straight or week long programming binges or constantly going to the gym. I'm exhausted from feeling like this every hour of every day.

Three to four nights a week I have nightmares about what happened. It makes me avoid sleep and constantly tired, because sleeping with what feels like hours of nightmares is not restful. I wake up sweaty and furious. I'm reminded every morning of what was done to me and the control it has over my life.

I've never been able to stop thinking about what happened to me and this hampered my social interactions. I would be angry and lost in thought and then be interrupted by someone saying "Hi" or making small talk, unable to understand why I seemed cold and distant. I walked around, viewing the outside world from a distant portal behind my eyes, unable to perform normal human niceties. I wondered what it would be like to take to other people without what happened constantly on my mind, and I wondered if other people had similar experiences that they were better able to mask.

Alcohol was also something that let me escape the darkness. It would always find me later, though, and it was always angry that I managed to escape and it made me pay. Many of the irresponsible things I did were the result of the darkness. Obviously I'm responsible for every decision and action, including this one, but there are reasons why things happen the way they do.

Alcohol and other drugs provided a way to ignore the realities of my situation. It was easy to spend the night drinking and forget that I had no future to look forward to. I never liked what alcohol did to me, but it was better than facing my existence honestly. I haven't touched alcohol or any other drug in over seven months (and no drugs or alcohol will be involved when I do this) and this has forced me to evaluate my life in an honest and clear way. There's no future here. The darkness will always be with me.

I used to think if I solved some problem or achieved some goal, maybe he would leave. It was comforting to identify tangible issues as the source of my problems instead of something that I'll never be able to change. I thought that if I got into to a good college, or a good grad school, or lost weight, or went to the gym nearly every day for a year, or created programs that millions of people used, or spent a summer or California or New York or published papers that I was proud of, then maybe I would feel some peace and not be constantly haunted and unhappy. But nothing I did made a dent in how depressed I was on a daily basis and nothing was in any way fulfilling. I'm not sure why I ever thought that would change anything.

I didn't realize how deep a hold he had on me and my life until my first relationship. I stupidly assumed that no matter how the darkness affected me personally, my romantic relationships would somehow be separated and protected. Growing up I viewed my future relationships as a possible escape from this thing that haunts me every day, but I began to realize how entangled it was with every aspect of my life and how it is never going to release me. Instead of being an escape, relationships and romantic contact with other people only intensified everything about him that I couldn't stand. I will never be able to have a relationship in which he is not the focus, affecting every aspect of my romantic interactions.

Relationships always started out fine and I'd be able to ignore him for a few weeks. But as we got closer emotionally the darkness would return and every night it'd be me, her and the darkness in a black and gruesome threesome. He would surround me and penetrate me and the more we did the more intense it became. It made me hate being touched, because as long as we were separated I could view her like an outsider viewing something good and kind and untainted. Once we touched, the darkness would envelope her too and take her over and the evil inside me would surround her. I always felt like I was infecting anyone I was with.

Relationships didn't work. No one I dated was the right match, and I thought that maybe if I found the right person it would overwhelm him. Part of me knew that finding the right person wouldn't help, so I became interested in girls who obviously had no interest in me. For a while I thought I was gay. I convinced myself that it wasn't the darkness at all, but rather my orientation, because this would give me control over why things didn't feel "right". The fact that the darkness affected sexual matters most intensely made this idea make some sense and I convinced myself of this for a number of years, starting in college after my first relationship ended. I told people I was gay (at Trinity, not at Princeton), even though I wasn't attracted to men and kept finding myself interested in girls. Because if being gay wasn't the answer, then what was? People thought I was avoiding my orientation, but I was actually avoiding the truth, which is that while I'm straight, I will never be content with anyone. I know now that the darkness will never leave.

Last spring I met someone who was unlike anyone else I'd ever met. Someone who showed me just how well two people could get along and how much I could care about another human being. Someone I know I could be with and love for the rest of my life, if I weren't so fucked up. Amazingly, she liked me. She liked the shell of the man the darkness had left behind. But it didn't matter because I couldn't be alone with her. It was never just the two of us, it was always the three of us: her, me and the darkness. The closer we got, the more intensely I'd feel the darkness, like some evil mirror of my emotions. All the closeness we had and I loved was complemented by agony that I couldn't stand, from him. I realized that I would never be able to give her, or anyone, all of me or only me. She could never have me without the darkness and evil inside me. I could never have just her, without the darkness being a part of all of our interactions. I will never be able to be at peace or content or in a healthy relationship. I realized the futility of the romantic part of my life. If I had never met her, I would have realized this as soon as I met someone else who I meshed similarly well with. It's likely that things wouldn't have worked out with her and we would have broken up (with our relationship ending, like the majority of relationships do) even if I didn't have this problem, since we only dated for a short time. But I will face exactly the same problems with the darkness with anyone else. Despite my hopes, love and compatability is not enough. Nothing is enough. There's no way I can fix this or even push the darkness down far enough to make a relationship or any type of intimacy feasible.

So I watched as things fell apart between us. I had put an explicit time limit on our relationship, since I knew it couldn't last because of the darkness and didn't want to hold her back, and this caused a variety of problems. She was put in an unnatural situation that she never should have been a part of. It must have been very hard for her, not knowing what was actually going on with me, but this is not something I've ever been able to talk about with anyone. Losing her was very hard for me as well. Not because of her (I got over our relationship relatively quickly), but because of the realization that I would never have another relationship and because it signified the last true, exclusive personal connection I could ever have. This wasn't apparent to other people, because I could never talk about the real reasons for my sadness. I was very sad in the summer and fall, but it was not because of her, it was because I will never escape the darkness with anyone. She was so loving and kind to me and gave me everything I could have asked for under the circumstances. I'll never forget how much happiness she brought me in those briefs moments when I could ignore the darkness. I had originally planned to kill myself last winter but never got around to it. (Parts of this letter were written over a year ago, other parts days before doing this.) It was wrong of me to involve myself in her life if this were a possibility and I should have just left her alone, even though we only dated for a few months and things ended a long time ago. She's just one more person in a long list of people I've hurt.

I could spend pages talking about the other relationships I've had that were ruined because of my problems and my confusion related to the darkness. I've hurt so many great people because of who I am and my inability to experience what needs to be experienced. All I can say is that I tried to be honest with people about what I thought was true.

I've spent my life hurting people. Today will be the last time.

I've told different people a lot of things, but I've never told anyone about what happened to me, ever, for obvious reasons. It took me a while to realize that no matter how close you are to someone or how much they claim to love you, people simply cannot keep secrets. I learned this a few years ago when I thought I was gay and told people. The more harmful the secret, the juicier the gossip and the more likely you are to be betrayed. People don't care about their word or what they've promised, they just do whatever the fuck they want and justify it later. It feels incredibly lonely to realize you can never share something with someone and have it be between just the two of you. I don't blame anyone in particular, I guess it's just how people are. Even if I felt like this is something I could have shared, I have no interest in being part of a friendship or relationship where the other person views me as the damaged and contaminated person that I am. So even if I were able to trust someone, I probably would not have told them about what happened to me. At this point I simply don't care who knows.

I feel an evil inside me. An evil that makes me want to end life. I need to stop this. I need to make sure I don't kill someone, which is not something that can be easily undone. I don't know if this is related to what happened to me or something different. I recognize the irony of killing myself to prevent myself from killing someone else, but this decision should indicate what I'm capable of.

So I've realized I will never escape the darkness or misery associated with it and I have a responsibility to stop myself from physically harming others.

I'm just a broken, miserable shell of a human being. Being molested has defined me as a person and shaped me as a human being and it has made me the monster I am and there's nothing I can do to escape it. I don't know any other existence. I don't know what life feels like where I'm apart from any of this. I actively despise the person I am. I just feel fundamentally broken, almost non-human. I feel like an animal that woke up one day in a human body, trying to make sense of a foreign world, living among creatures it doesn't understand and can't connect with.

I have accepted that the darkness will never allow me to be in a relationship. I will never go to sleep with someone in my arms, feeling the comfort of their hands around me. I will never know what uncontimated intimacy is like. I will never have an exclusive bond with someone, someone who can be the recipient of all the love I have to give. I will never have children, and I wanted to be a father so badly. I think I would have made a good dad. And even if I had fought through the darkness and married and had children all while being unable to feel intimacy, I could have never done that if suicide were a possibility. I did try to minimize pain, although I know that this decision will hurt many of you. If this hurts you, I hope that you can at least forget about me quickly.

There's no point in identifying who molested me, so I'm just going to leave it at that. I doubt the word of a dead guy with no evidence about something that happened over twenty years ago would have much sway.

You may wonder why I didn't just talk to a professional about this. I've seen a number of doctors since I was a teenager to talk about other issues and I'm positive that another doctor would not have helped. I was never given one piece of actionable advice, ever. More than a few spent a large part of the session reading their notes to remember who I was. And I have no interest in talking about being raped as a child, both because I know it wouldn't help and because I have no confidence it would remain secret. I know the legal and practical limits of doctor/patient confidentiality, growing up in a house where we'd hear stories about the various mental illnesses of famous people, stories that were passed down through generations. All it takes is one doctor who thinks my story is interesting enough to share or a doctor who thinks it's her right or responsibility to contact the authorities and have me identify the molestor (justifying her decision by telling herself that someone else might be in danger). All it takes is a single doctor who violates my trust, just like the "friends" who I told I was gay did, and everything would be made public and I'd be forced to live in a world where people would know how fucked up I am. And yes, I realize this indicates that I have severe trust issues, but they're based on a large number of experiences with people who have shown a profound disrepect for their word and the privacy of others.

People say suicide is selfish. I think it's selfish to ask people to continue living painful and miserable lives, just so you possibly won't feel sad for a week or two. Suicide may be a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but it's also a permanent solution to a ~23 year-old problem that grows more intense and overwhelming every day.

Some people are just dealt bad hands in this life. I know many people have it worse than I do, and maybe I'm just not a strong person, but I really did try to deal with this. I've tried to deal with this every day for the last 23 years and I just can't fucking take it anymore.

I often wonder what life must be like for other people. People who can feel the love from others and give it back unadulterated, people who can experience sex as an intimate and joyous experience, people who can experience the colors and happenings of this world without constant misery. I wonder who I'd be if things had been different or if I were a stronger person. It sounds pretty great.

I'm prepared for death. I'm prepared for the pain and I am ready to no longer exist. Thanks to the strictness of New Jersey gun laws this will probably be much more painful than it needs to be, but what can you do. My only fear at this point is messing something up and surviving.

---

I'd also like to address my family, if you can call them that. I despise everything they stand for and I truly hate them, in a non-emotional, dispassionate and what I believe is a healthy way. The world will be a better place when they're dead--one with less hatred and intolerance.

If you're unfamiliar with the situation, my parents are fundamentalist Christians who kicked me out of their house and cut me off financially when I was 19 because I refused to attend seven hours of church a week.

They live in a black and white reality they've constructed for themselves. They partition the world into good and evil and survive by hating everything they fear or misunderstand and calling it love. They don't understand that good and decent people exist all around us, "saved" or not, and that evil and cruel people occupy a large percentage of their church. They take advantage of people looking for hope by teaching them to practice the same hatred they practice.

A random example:

"I am personally convinced that if a Muslim truly believes and obeys the Koran, he will be a terrorist." - George Zeller, August 24, 2010.

If you choose to follow a religion where, for example, devout Catholics who are trying to be good people are all going to Hell but child molestors go to Heaven (as long as they were "saved" at some point), that's your choice, but it's fucked up. Maybe a God who operates by those rules does exist. If so, fuck Him.

Their church was always more important than the members of their family and they happily sacrificed whatever necessary in order to satisfy their contrived beliefs about who they should be.

I grew up in a house where love was proxied through a God I could never believe in. A house where the love of music with any sort of a beat was literally beaten out of me. A house full of hatred and intolerance, run by two people who were experts at appearing kind and warm when others were around. Parents who tell an eight year old that his grandmother is going to Hell because she's Catholic. Parents who claim not to be racist but then talk about the horrors of miscegenation. I could list hundreds of other examples, but it's tiring.

Since being kicked out, I've interacted with them in relatively normal ways. I talk to them on the phone like nothing happened. I'm not sure why. Maybe because I like pretending I have a family. Maybe I like having people I can talk to about what's been going on in my life. Whatever the reason, it's not real and it feels like a sham. I should have never allowed this reconnection to happen.

I wrote the above a while ago, and I do feel like that much of the time. At other times, though, I feel less hateful. I know my parents honestly believe the crap they believe in. I know that my mom, at least, loved me very much and tried her best. One reason I put this off for so long is because I know how much pain it will cause her. She has been sad since she found out I wasn't "saved", since she believes I'm going to Hell, which is not a sadness for which I am responsible. That was never going to change, and presumably she believes the state of my physical body is much less important than the state of my soul. Still, I cannot intellectually justify this decision, knowing how much it will hurt her. Maybe my ability to take my own life, knowing how much pain it will cause, shows that I am a monster who doesn't deserve to live. All I know is that I can't deal with this pain any longer and I'm am truly sorry I couldn't wait until my family and everyone I knew died so this could be done without hurting anyone. For years I've wished that I'd be hit by a bus or die while saving a baby from drowning so my death might be more acceptable, but I was never so lucky.

---

To those of you who have shown me love, thank you for putting up with all my shittiness and moodiness and arbitrariness. I was never the person I wanted to be. Maybe without the darkness I would have been a better person, maybe not. I did try to be a good person, but I realize I never got very far.

I'm sorry for the pain this causes. I really do wish I had another option. I hope this letter explains why I needed to do this. If you can't understand this decision, I hope you can at least forgive me.

Bill Zeller

---

Please save this letter and repost it if gets deleted. I don't want people to wonder why I did this. I disseminated it more widely than I might have otherwise because I'm worried that my family might try to restrict access to it. I don't mind if this letter is made public. In fact, I'd prefer it be made public to people being unable to read it and drawing their own conclusions.

Feel free to republish this letter, but only if it is reproduced in its entirety."

We at Omni once again reiterate..what is a crime worthy of capital puishment? Surely the adult who tortured Bill as a child is still walking the streets. Probably the family priest from the over tones in the letter. When as a society are we going to start actually protecting children from this and take it seriously?

Rape in general is almost impossible to bear, but to a child...we don't have to imagine amymore. Bill spells it out perfectly clear...it's a "darkness" that defines you as a person and one that haunts you all your life. There is no rationalizing it. The adult survivors who have been able to manage it through therapy will agree. You can barely manage it. It stays with you always. To the adult perpetrator, who does such a thing and walks away casually, it was just another encounter. To a child, it's a heinous life-altering, life-destroying act that will forever alter your perception of happiness and self-worth.

Many may argue that this guys was nuts and should have seen a doctor. He DID see many doctors over the years. This is another issue. He was scared to talk about it. Scared that he'd be outed. That the police would be contacted. He was tortured, not crazy.

The Psychiatric community is probably up in arms about this right now. But, they need to figure out a way to help more children and adults like Bill who are keeping this poison inside. Afraid.

This country needs to stand up and say no more. We urge all of you to write congress, write your represenatatives, call your governors and demand that the penalty for child molestation be raised to the fucking bar. LIFE IN PRISON OR THE DEALTH PENALTY. Enough is enough.

God Bless you, Bill. Suicide is not a sin and may God give you the peace on the other side that so alluded you here.

1000memories.com/billzeller/memories

From Homeless to NFL Films

The viral video of the Ted Williams, homeless panhandler in Ohio has paid off big time.

Ted, a former alcoholic druggie, was videotaped after a passerby read his sign that said (in part): "I have a god-given talent of voice..."

The video was posted on Youtube, has drawn thousands of "hits" and lead to a "Let's get Ted a voice-over job campaign."

It worked! NFL films is said to be contacting him as we speak and the Cleveland Cavaliers want him as well.

Here's the blurb from USA Today.com:
"A producer at NFL Films has contacted the Columbus Dispatch newspaper, which profiled Brooklyn native Ted Williams to try to hire him for voiceover work, says NFL spokesman Brian McCarthy. The Cleveland Cavaliers are also said to be in the hunt to hire the overnight radio sensation."

We're sure as soon as he's cleaned up, housed and fed, he'll look the part too.

Way to go, Internet!

UPDATE:
"This morning, WNCI's DAVE KAELIN & JIMMY JAM interviewed TED, along with all three local network affiliates as well as INSIDE EDITION, CNN, and the TODAY SHOW, and the floodgates of opportunity opened wide.
Among the offers TED has:
- Arena announcer for THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS -- including a salary and they will buy him a house
- OHIO CREDIT UNION LEAGUE gave him $10,000 cash and a retainer deal for voicework
- ESPN is reportedly offering him a job
- MTV reportedly wants to discuss a reality series
- A free vacation trip to HILO, HI to voice a commercial ... and the list goes on!"


Watch the news interview from this morning's CBS show. He cries at the end thinking of meeting his 92 year old mom and telling her he has a job...and a home.

Leo Haines: Artiste Extraordinaire

This ADORABLE little boy, with severe disablities, is creating quite a stir in England. Leo Haines, all of five, is being compared to Jackson Pollack in his ability to create stunning abstract artworks.

The best part - he's using his talent to raise money for toys for a children's hospital in England.

What a cutie!

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