Dr. Hawass on Losing Another Library

Dr. Hawass updated his blog last month to discuss the blasphemy of the Egyptian losers who burned out the National Treasure known as the Egyptian Institute.

Readers of The Omni Report KNOW how deeply Dr. Hawass affects us personally. We Love Him, We Hate Him, we didn't think we'd have to live without him because no matter how we feel, the man is polarizing and exhilarating in such a refreshingly annoying way that there just isn't words.

All of our hate went out the window the day we learned of the second worst library destruction in Egypt's history. If you are unfamiliar with the GREAT UNPARALLELED BASTION OF LEARNING known as The Library of Alexandria, then read this.

On December 17, 2011 the Egyptian Scientific Institute, founded by Napoleon in 1798, was burned to the ground. Now we know where Zahi Hawass was that day. In his own words.

We are printing this in whole but you can also read his blog directly at the link below.

"December 17, 2011: A Sad Day in My Life
This is a sad day for all of us who love Egypt. No one can believe that the Egyptian Scientific Institute has been destroyed.

On December 17, 2011, I joined the many people who watched the disaster on television. I was horrified to see the library burning in front of my eyes. This day will never be forgotten by intellectuals, and indeed all who love learning, not only in Egypt, but all over the world.

I was terribly upset to see young people in front of the building rejoicing at what they had done. When I looked at their faces, I could see that the majority were people who had nothing to do with the Revolution. I saw one boy of about 12 who was asked why he was there. He replied that he wanted el-Ganzory (the recently-appointed Prime Minister) to leave the government. I am sure that someone told this boy to say these words. Why can we not give el-Ganzory a chance to work and to bring safety and security back to the country? I saw another person say that we need the military to leave. This is not wise. The military council helped ensure the success of the revolution. They have promised to complete the elections and the new constitution before June 2012, and I think we should give them a chance to do this.

The day after the Institute burned down, my dear friend Salah Montaser, a famous columnist who has a daily feature in the Al-Ahram newspaper, called me and told me that almost 90,000 books had been lost, containing over 300 years of our shared history. As we spoke, we both had tears in our eyes.

The Egyptian Scientific Institute was founded by Napoleon Bonaparte in 1798, and holds about 20,000 manuscripts and rare books. It is the oldest scientific academy in the Arab world. It is registered as an antiquities site and is therefore the responsibility of the Supreme Council of Antiquities. I could not believe that the people who burned it down were Egyptians. Samir Gharib, one of Egypt’s great writers, told me that he saw one woman whistling with joy; he could not believe it, or understand at all why she was doing this. But I am sure that they are ignorant, and do not understand what they have done.

Many great books of our history are now ashes. A first edition of the Description de l’Egypte, published by Napoleon’s scientific expedition, was burned, but fortunately there are other copies in Egypt, one at the Geographic Society, another in the house of Documents and Books, and an incomplete on at Assiut University.

I think the looters and other ignorant people who did this should listen to what the late Shiekh el-Shaarawy (a great Muslim thinker who would offer advice to the people every Friday) used to say. According to our famous cartoonist, Moustafa Anssien, he said that the true revolutionary who turns in fury to destroy capitalism should first calm down and work instead to build the glory of his country.

I hope that UNESCO and scientific institutions all over the world can cooperate to bring back the glory of this Institute. This is not only our history; it is the history of the world.

I find it very distressing that so many crooks, looters, and thieves have taken advantage of the Revolution to come out of their holes not only to rob and steal, but also to hurt all of us. I can see that many good people are silent, and many crooks have loud voices. We need our young people to protect the Revolution, to stop demonstrating in Tahrir Square and give all of us a chance to make this work. Egypt needs to become stable again so the economy can grow. We need to move forward, to build our country by finishing the elections peacefully and choosing a new president. We should all stand firm in front of the crooks who have come out of their holes not only to destroy the revolution, but also to destroy Egypt."

We really do kind of love you more than we hate you, Dr. Hawass and we are only left thinking this is surely one of the signs of the upcoming global apocalypse.

Dr Hawass.com

Original Omni Report article on the destruction of the Institute

L'Institut d'Egypte Destroyed

December 17, 2011

An incalculable treasure has been lost. Egypt's L'Institut d'Egypte, The Egyptian Scientific Institute, founded by FUCKING NAPOLEON in 1798 was burned to the ground on December 17th.

Everything has been lost although Egyptian "officials" are saying that "Protesters and volunteers have been working non-stop to try and salvage the manuscripts and books."

Here are two pictures of what those books look like now. A library of 200,000 volumes incinerated by fucking barbarians.





This is a tragedy somewhat akin or on par with the Alexandria Library loss.

We are personally devastated by this. The state of Egyptian Antiquities are highly unstable right now. WHERE IS THE PHARAOH?

As soon as Zahi Hawass was booted out, all hell broke loose. This is the worst disaster we could imagine short of a terrorist taking out the Sphinx.

One Molotov cocktail is supposedly responsible for this. ONE.

Dr. Hawass wherever you are, we hope you are able to withstand this senseless tragedy. We know you must be inconsolable or raging with anger. We are so sorry.

We just learned about this today. Does anyone know if this was covered by US media AT ALL?

"On 16 December 2011, Egyptian military forces violently attacked the three-week sit-in at the Cabinet building in Cairo. The protesters were demanding that the military ruling council hand over power to civilians.

Military police and central security forces continued to brutally attack, kidnap, kill, detain and torture protesters at Tahrir and in the surrounding downtown Cairo area, as well as systematically sexually assault and beat women. L'Institut d'Egypte, or the Egyptian Scientific Institute, was set on fire on Saturday morning, 17 December 2011.

L'Institute d'Egypte was a research centre created by Napoleon Bonaparte during the 18th century French Invasion of Egypt. It was home to thousands of rare books and manuscripts, including Napoleon's historic 'Description de l'Egypte.' Protesters and volunteers have been working non-stop to try and salvage the manuscripts and books."

Fucking Heathens! Everything Zahi tried to do for the past 40 years has been virtually wiped out and now this. His once grand Pharonic dream, of a new Egypt with new museums and a new bright future, will NEVER be.

News Article

News Article

We Miss The Pharaoh

Happier Times

"For me, archaeology is not a just a job. It combines everything that I could want - imagination, intellect, action, and adventure." Dr. Zahi Hawass

Alternative Title: An Open Love Letter to Our Former Pharaoh, the Good Dr. Hawass.

Good Lord help us, for today we are really missing Dr. Hawass.

A never-ending font of craziness, passion and zeal, Zahi Hawass was unceremoniously booted out of office in August following the Egyptian revolt last summer, AND...WE WANT HIM BACK!

We've always admitted our love/hate "relationship" with the good Doctor.

He stands for everything we hate about Egyptology...it's stodgy, antiquarian, close-mindedness. Its absolute and total dismissal of any progressive thought. Its "by-the-book" or else attitude. Not to mention, his actual archeology skills! What a decent archaeologist would take a year to excavate, Dr. Hawass would man-handle in 20 fucking minutes. *sigh*

We don't care anymore.

His fanatical passion for EVERYTHING EGYPT was awesome in itself. He is a force of nature and a gift to us all. Was he up Mubarak's butt? Sure. But that was part and parcel of being in "the regime." How else was he to get anything done but to put Mubarak in his back pocket or vice versa?

Dr. Hawass's unyielding enthusiasm was captivating. His short lived show "Chasing Mummies" showcased many memorable moments and our hands down favorite was when he took the archaeologists up into The Great Pyramid to the very top of the so-called "Relieving Chambers". This bad-ass old man climbed all the way up and though it was stifling hot and he was exhausted, you could plainly see the love he has for the monument.

And it used to be his! LITERALLY. For years Zahi had the yea or nay power to keep people out of his pyramid (some of the hate part of the whole love/hate thing). Who needed the Sphinx? Hawass was the Supreme Guardian of the Giza Plateau and of the Great Pyramid. Hence, his unofficial title of Pharaoh. The Last Great Pharaoh of Egypt to be exact.

He isn't dead, so this isn't a eulogy. But in a way it is. A Eulogy for The Secretary General of the Supreme Council of Antiquities.

Since his firing, Dr. Hawass was re-hired, fired again and the position has since changed hands at least twice.

Mohamed Abdel Fattah was appointed in August: "I am fed up,” Abdel Fatah said angrily. “All these protests stand against proceeding with archaeological works properly," and then he abruptly and promptly resigned in September after about a month or so in office.

The "new guy" is Mustafa Amin, who has been busy working on the new museum at the Giza Plateau as well as dealing with security issues and everything else. We'll see how long he lasts.

Dr. Hawass was there from the late 60's and in charge from the late 70's until August 2011. At least when Zahi was there we knew who was in charge...and who to blame!

He served for years and deserved to be retired in full glory and regalia, parades. The whole nine yards. And what he got was bloody fucking awful. We wished he would go plenty of times, but in the end, he really did deserve more fanfare than the kick in the ass out the door he got.

We miss how absolutely fucking bat-shit crazy excitable he was. He wasn't just the Pharaoh, he was a real-life Egyptian Indiana Jones. There won't be another like him. Ever.

Where ever you are, Zahi, we wish you a successful life with contentment and peace and we thank you for all your years of service. In the end, all we have is Love.

DrHawass.com

It's Over, Zahi

It's all over. The Last Great Pharaoh of Egypt is no longer.

Yesterday, in both shocking and saddening news and without any fanfare (and we mean ZERO) famed Indiana Jones wannabee, Zahi Hawass, was told to pack his bags and leave the office he's held since 1969.

He tried to leave on foot but was heckled by protesters so he had to hail a cab and basically run away for his life from what once was the most famous position and highest regarded cabinet in all of Egypt - Egyptian Minister of Antiquities.

He even had his own TV show and clothing line but that wasn't enough to counter decades worth of lies, privilege and cronyism.

It's over, Zahi.

People have felt the same way about Zahi Hawass as we have over the years. Both worshipped and ridiculed, elevated and scorned, his method of so-called Archeology has fueled debate, anger, skepticism and jealousy over the 40 years of his career.

How the mighty have fallen.

A few short years ago, laws were changed in his country to protect his right from forced retirement to no avail. Just 3 years later and he leaves office in a humiliated and down low fashion - no ticker tape parades or state sponsored ceremony of greatness.

Nothing.

Just pack your bags and go, Dr. Hawass.

You're fired.

News Article

The Pharaoh is "Innocent"

From June 16, 2011

CAIRO: An Egyptian court ruled on Wednesday that Egypt’s firebrand Minister of Antiquities Zahi Hawass is innocent of charges against him. The minister is currently in the United States on a speaking tour.

“Today is a very special day for me. The MSA, and myself personally, will always hold the laws of Egypt in the highest regard,” Hawass wrote on his personal blog.

“The MSA, and myself personally, have always held the laws of Egypt and the ruling of our courts in the highest regard and we will continue to do so,” he continued."

Did we expect anything less? Remember the "Teflon Don"? Well, Dr. Hawass is the "Teflon Pharaoh". Nothing can touch this guy!

The world is going to be so boring without him one day...

Giza Pyramids News Update and Shutting Down

"Security staff from the Pyramid site in Giza, however, announced that starting 15 June, the iconic pyramid complex would be shut down."

The pyramids are being closed due to security concerns. Nothing has been okay since the revolution and there are protests everywhere, including the blocking of the iconic pyramid complex at Giza.

So starting next week they will be closed to the public indefinitely.

This comes on the heels of a magnificent discovery inside the Great Pyramid of "graffiti" said to "be ancient graffiti tags left by a worker or symbols of religious significance."

"A robot with a camera went down a mysterious passage only eight inches wide and found some hieroglyphs daubed with red paint onto the floor of a secret chamber at the end of the tunnel.

Egyptologist Luca Miatello has deciphered the writing and says they're engineering marks. They make the number 121, which corresponds to the length in cubits of the so-called Queen's Chamber of the pyramid."



NEWS ARTICLE

Hmmm...very interesting. Robots are again crawling all over the inside of The Great Pyramid the very week they are announcing a shut down.

Also, more woes for The Pharaoh:

It's being reported that "Staff members who had worked for the government anywhere from five to thirty years were demanding permanent contracts and decent working conditions. They also sought the removal of Zahi Hawass."

We'll keep you updated but something tells us Zahi Hawass isn't going anywhere!

Official Dr. Hawass Wear

Now you too can dress like the Great Pharaoh. At Harrods in London or at a Neiman Marcus near you is the official Zahi Hawass clothing line and apparel store.

Are we surprised that the modern day Indiana Jones and Pharaoh has his own clothing line? No. Nothing from this man WILL EVER SURPRISE US. He is a one-of-a-kind gift that is to be cherished (and yet, reviled).

The profits from the sale will go to benefit the 57357 Children’s Cancer Hospital in Cairo. This is Dr. H's charity of choice.

Click here to see more fashions from The Zahi Hawass Collection: artzulu.com article

The court case against Dr. Hawass was resolved and he will not be going to jail let alone losing his job. He seems to have stopped rampaging and quitting as well and is reporting all kinds of great things at his blog.

He and his minions have been reclaiming land, artifacts and his Pharaohnic power back from the Egyptian Overthrow and Dr. H seems to be back on track again. And now with the clothing line...well is there anything the great Dr. Hawass cannot do?

Go Big Z!

Sentenced! One Year of Hard Labor

Well, well, well, Dr. H., You are in Trouble Again!

Dr. Zahi Hawass, the fading Pharaoh of Egypt, has been FIRED from his job and sentenced to one year of hard labor, following a court ruling against him on Sunday.

It seems there is some land in dispute that an earlier court had ruled Dr. Hawass to "hand over" and for which he did not comply. That disobedience left Zahi with a jail sentence, no job and a minor fine.

He is set to appeal all of this and the jail term will not commence until the appeal is heard. We're not sure when that will be. It could be today or three months from now. Of course, we'll let you know.

There is also some confusion over this reported "land dispute". Another source is reporting that Dr. Hawass himself on his blog is saying that this jail term is regarding some shenanigans over "bidding from companies to run a bookstore in the Egyptian Museum in Cairo." In other words, bribery.

The plot thickens!

Al Jazeera.net article

Part 3 Great Pyramid Controversy: How Gatenbrink Got Shafted

The Omni Report presents our 3-part series on:

The Controversy and Mystery of the Great Pyramid of the Giza Plateau, Cairo, Egypt; Specifically Why Dr. Zahi Hawass Sucks and How Rudolph Gatenbrink Got Shafted.

The Great Pyramid Controversy
Part 3: How Gatenbrink Got Shafted

In 1872 an important discovery was made in The Great Pyramid. An engineer named Waynman Dixon decided to look for air shafts in the Queen’s chamber. Having seen the shafts already visible in the wall in the King’s Chamber, he though this chamber may have them as well. He scouted the walls and saw a crack in the southern wall. Using a hammer and chisel he broke through the wall and viola! An air shaft. He then discovered the shaft in the northern wall of this chamber as well.

Directly inside the northern shaft were objects!

1) A rough stone sphere

2) A small two pronged hook made out of some kind of metal

3) A 12 centimeter long piece of cedar wood with notches cut into it

These pieces remained in the Dixon family until the 1970’s when they were donated to the British Museum. The artifacts were lost again and then found, except for the piece of wood. The only object that could be C-14 carbon dated! Conspiracy theorists are still crazy over this.

Today we take this discovery for granted, but it was until 1872 an unknown feature of the pyramid. What other secrets does this great monolith still keep?

These shafts only 8 or 9 or so inches square were unexplored until March 1993 when another engineer named Rudolf Gatenbrink came upon the scene. (We remember this like it was yesterday. It’s hard to believe it’s been 18 years!)

Gatenbrink and his crew were hired by Government Officials…Not, repeat NOT The Great Dr. Zahi Hawass…to install fans and modern ventilation in the pyramid. It’s stiflingly hot within the pyramid and the throngs of tourists were only adding to the problem. The government didn’t want passed out tourists inside the pyramid. Also, it was to help preserve the pyramid by removing the humidity.

At this time, Dr. Hawass had been suspended from Chief Inspector of the Giza Pyramid Plateau for stealing a vase! STEALING! He of course has repented to the right people...Hosni Mubarak…, threw unnamed people under the bus, and risen in the ranks, higher and higher until no one but He has any authority over any antiquities in Egypt.

UPUAT, The Little Robot That Could

Gatenbrink designed a caterpillar shaped robot named UPUAT 2* – (ooh-pu-watt) Egyptian for “opener of the ways”. This little robot that could slowly climbed the interior of the southern shaft of the Queen’s Chamber. Like its processors “Father of UPUAT” and “UPUAT 1” it encountered some difficulty, including a 6 inch step. Once over this step described by Gatenbrink as daunting as “the Great Wall of China” the walls of the shaft began to look smoother, more refined workmanship.

Then on March 22 at exactly 11:02 AM, the “Mother” of all Great Pyramid discoveries happened. UPUAT sent back images from its video camera of a stone slab. A “door”, complete with two copper handles!



Nothing like this had ever been discovered in modern times. An unknown door in the Great Pyramid. Hidden for over 4,500 years in an “air shaft.” It was unbelievable and exhilarating and mega-celebration worthy! It made history.

It is to this day the most remarkable discovery in Egyptology. And probably the most controversial.

In front of the door were artifacts!

1) a metallic hook
2) A long piece of wood

What happened next is a travesty. Instead of celebrating Gatenbrink’s work, the Pharaoh discredited him, booted him out of Egypt and made Gatenbrink persona non grata until…THIS DAY! Rudolph is STILL NOT ALLOWED BACK IN TO SEE HIS DOOR or complete his work there! A door unceremoniously named after him by the Good People of the World who acknowledge this GREAT contribution to knowledge of Egyptology.

Gatenbrink lost his affiliation with the German Archeological Institute which had the ventilation contract for breaching the contract by doing “unauthorized” exploration of the pyramid and TALKING TO THE PRES ABOUT IT. Because of this loss of affiliation, Dr. Hawass will not acknowledge him, as only well-qualified affiliated persons are allowed to do “work” in the pyramid.

Dr. Hawass made a big deal about drilling a hole through the door in an LIVE on air TV show in 2002. He, of course, is taking all the credit for Rudolph’s work. He alone stands guard over the pyramid and authorizes who gets in to do work there. He will never again let his Egyptologists be usurped by western interlopers. It is he who has a giant bug up his ass about it. It is Zahi and Zahi alone who will determine when and if the world will ever get to see what is behind the “door.”

And we all know how this is turning out. Have YOU heard anything about it? We didn’t think so. For as much as Dr. Hawass proclaims that the monuments of Giza belong to the whole world, they are his and his alone. That is why he is The Pharaoh. He keeps his secrets closed to the world. He is so full of shit we want to throw things at him. That is why we are disgusted by him.

What was the conclusion of the TV special in September of 2002? What was behind the door? Another door! But the camera only showed a small pile of rubble and was unable to go much further than that.

The area remains unexplored to this day. ALMOST TEN YEARS LATER!

To quote the great Dr. Hawass, “We are not discovering anything inside the Great Pyramid, there is really nothing remaining to be discovered inside.”

REALLY, ZAHI? REALLY?

What a bunch of bullshit. It seems everyone including ourselves have been waiting almost 20 years to find out what’s in the Great Pyramid.

In that time, Dr. Hawass has taken over complete control of the building. Immediately following Gatenbrink’s discovery, Dr. Hawass was reinstated to his post and the Pyramid was closed for a long period of time, to undergo “renovations”. Specifically the Queen’s chamber! Also, a security perimeter fence was erected around the entirety of the Giza Plateau to keep out “terrorists.”

No scientific groups have been allowed in. No archeological work is going on without Dr. Hawass breathing down their neck and specifically no work on discovering anything to do with the remaining shafts.

Now, the astonishing news that Dr. Hawass has quit his job as of March 2011...And took it back in April 2011. With Egypt in a state of flux, there is to be no more exploration of anything. Artifacts are missing, everything is in disarray. It will take years for Dr. Hawass and the archeologists to get back on track.

How much longer do we have to wait to see what's behind the door? When will Rudolph Gatenbrink be vindicated?

Rudolph Gatenbrink with Upuat

Visit Gatenbrink's Website for additional info:
Cheops.org

Read all about The Giza Power Plant. Christophers' A Not-So-Crazy, Lucid, Well-Thought-Out Alternative Theory as to what the Pyramids at Giza were really for: Giza Power.Com

The Great Pyramid Controversy: Part 1

The Great Pyramid Controversy: Part 2

THE PHARAOH RETURNS!

I'M BACK, MOTHERFUCKERS!

Yes, folks, less than ONE MONTH after storming off the job, Dr. Zahi Hawass makes his triumphant return to the antiquities that cannot live without him.

"Mr. Hawass, who has never been accused of being humble, said on Wednesday that he did not ask to come back, but that there was no one else who could do the job. “I cannot live without antiquities, and antiquities cannot live without me,” he said."

Are we surprised? Hell NO!

Storehouse after storehouse has been looted since the uprising with the guards running for their lives from armed intruders and thieves.

"Armed groups raided several warehouses around the country, including one in the Egyptian Museum, amid security vacuum caused by the withdrawal of policemen from the streets following bloody clashes with protesters during the beginning of the Egyptian revolution. Egyptian Authorities last week reported that at least 800 artifacts were stolen by armed groups from a warehouse east of Cairo."

Zahi has one hell of a mess to clean up. But we are confident he can do it. That's what Pharaoh's are for!

PS: Remember, the 3rd part of our Great Pyramid series is this coming Monday. Ah, the sweet joy of having The Pharaoh back just in time to bash him. WINNING!


The Great Pyramid Controversy: Part 1
The Great Pyramid Controversy: Part 2

Part 2 - The Great Pyramid Controversy: The Big Deal

The Omni Report presents our 3-part series on:

The Controversy and Mystery of the Great Pyramid of the Giza Plateau, Cairo, Egypt; Specifically Why Dr. Zahi Hawass Sucks and How Rudolph Gatenbrink Got Shafted.

The Great Pyramid Controversy Part 2: The Big Deal

"The Machine" Even though the driver is no longer at the wheel, the Giza Necropolis is still a machine that was designed to provoke questions. 5,000 years and look at its power. It involves you whether you like it or not. It forces you in to a process of thinking…forces you to learn. The minute you ask a question about it, you’ve asked a question about engineering, a question about geometry, a question about astronomy. So it forces you to learn engineering, geometry and astronomy, and gradually you realize how sophisticated it is, how incredibly clever and skillful and knowledgeable its builders must have been, which forces you to ask questions about mankind, about human history eventually about yourself, too. They succeeded in creating a force that is functional in itself, provided you understand it, and that force is the questions it challenges you to ask. This is the power of the Giza Plateau. Built at least 10,450 B.C. A message for us, the future. *1

~Robert Bauval
Robert Bauval is the mastermind engineer behind the “Orion Correlation Theory” which states that the 3 Giza pyramids are a representation of the 3 stars comprising the belt of the constellation Orion.

The Great Pyramid at Giza. It’s just a pile of rocks. What’s the big deal? Okay, maybe you are willing to concede it’s A LOT of rocks - but still, so? What makes The Great Pyramid the greatest engineering marvel and virtual miracle on the planet? Let's consider both the The Outer Pyramid and The Inner Pyramid. Here are a few mind-boggling engineering specifications in the construction of the “outer” Pyramid:

• It is the world’s largest pyramid with a 13-acre footprint


• It weighs 6 million tons and is 480 feet tall


• There are 202 steps to the summit


• Each face (side) of the pyramid is 5 and a half acres


• It contains over 2 and a half million granite and limestone blocks


• Each weighs an average 2 tons


• It is aligned perfectly to the cardinal directions


• It incorporates the geometry of PI - specifically 2PI


• It is a scale of an exact mathematical replica for the dimensions of the planet Earth


• It’s polished out limestone casing was comprised of slabs 8-feet thick, covered 22 acres and their combined weight together was over 16 tons


• These limestone slabs were fitted together so perfectly that not a razor blade could separate them and it was said they looked like a single slab


• The three pyramids of Giza form a Pythagorean triangle with side propportions of 3:4:5


• The Great Pyramid is located exactly in the center of Earth’s landmass. THE EXACT CENTER

Here are a few mind-boggling engineering specifications in the construction of the “inner” Pyramid:

It contains a complex system of inner passages, tunnels, galleries and chambers

The concrete cement that was used to bind the stones is technologically beyond what we use today and defies modern analysis

It is the only pyramid in Egypt with both descending and ascending passages

Each one of the 100 red granite blocks comprising The King’s Chamber weigh 70 tons. EACH. ONE. OF. THE. ONE. HUNDRED. RED. GRANITE. BLOCKS. WEIGH. SEVENTY. TONS. Think about it.

You can see the perfect red granite blocks here

There is clear evidence of machining *2

The joints between blocks are so tight you cannot insert a razor blade. We do not even attempt anything like this in construction today

The King’s Chamber incorporates the mathematical law The Golden Ratio (phi)

There is 8.5 million cubic square feet of space in the inner space of the pyramid. This is enough for over 3,000 rooms the size of the King’s Chamber or 30 full-size Empire State Buildings

The incorporation of the so-called “air-shafts” or "soul-shafts". There are 4 known shafts, 8x8 inches square that rise through the pyramid and through solid blocks that were carefully fit into place to align them. The King's Chamber shafts lead the constellations Orion and Sirius.

• The Queen's Chamber shafts lead to the archaeological Roswell known as "The Gatenbrink Affair"

The "air shafts" in The Great Pyramid. 2 emanate from The King's Chamber (above) and 2 from The Queen's Chamber.

The above statistics are great, but what does it all mean?

What is mind-blowing or special about using 70 ton (King's Chamber)or 200 ton (Pyramid "body") blocks?

Well, today moving anything that weighs over 50 tons requires a specialized crane. Modern industrial "counter boom” cranes max out at 200 tons. Moving anything over 200 tons does not happen. Anything over 50 barely happens. And that is in today's modern society with all of our engineering "know how".

How does The Great Pyramid incorporate the mathematical law of 2PI?

The height of the pyramid bears the same relationship to it’s base perimeter as does the circumference of a circle to it’s radius.

How is The Great Pyramid a scale model of the Earth?

The scale of our planet is 1:43,200. If you take the height of the pyramid and multiply by 43,200 you get the polar radius measurement of Earth (+/- 11 miles). If you take the perimeter of the base and multiply by 43,200 you get the equatorial circumference of the Earth (+/- 170 miles).

Why are the North-South-East-West cardinal alignments such a big deal?

The exact precision of the cardinal points is as of “atomic clock” accuracy. This isn't achieved lightly or easily, nor is it anything we would even try to do today. In modern 2011 terms, to align something True North, you'd need "a laser theodolite, an ordinance survey map accurate to 10 meters, and a highly qualified team of professionals that includes a setting-out engineer, an astronomer, a surveyor, several master masons and a week or so to make sure the position you are aiming for has been achieved*"

Indeed The Great Pyramid is accurate to within a little over 3 arc minutes to True North.

It. Is. The. Most. Accurately. Aligned. Building. On. Earth.

And this was achieved at a minimum of over 4,500 years ago, and probably more likely around 10,000 B.C. Modern engineers when describing The Great Pyramid reiterate that “…the sheer size and mass (of TGP) are not it’s most impressive characteristics. More astounding by far is the incredible hi-tech precision built into every aspect of it’s design." Yes, the Pyramid has hi-tech precision written all over it and into it. It oozes out of every stone block.

Also, the base is a perfect square. The pyramid is “locked onto” the cardinal points and is located on top of a natural mound that is 2 stories high. It is this mound that lends to the Pyramid it's superior stability.

The inner workings - the interior chambers and corridors - of The Great Pyramid are an engineering feat of unparalleled difficulty and are the height and epitome of architectural achievement.

The stone cutting techniques used to create these galleries and rooms are unknown to us. They are constructed on a gargantuan scale and are much more advanced than anything we could construct today.

The Grand Gallery is described as:
"The most incredible construction achievement in human history. *3

The Grand Gallery consists of polished limestone walls - monoliths of stone - that make up the lower portion of the wall that are made up of polished granite topped with granite beams with scarcely a joint to be seen. It's seamless construction. The Gallery ends in a tunnel that leads to The King's Chamber. The King's Chamber, so-called, because of the humongous black granite "sarcophagus" located there, is really too big to be called a chamber. It is made from polished smooth red granite hewn from quarries in far-away Aswan. The sarcopohagus is too big too have been hauled in. The room was clearly built around this granite monolith, that is not a sarcophagus and shows clearly that it had to have been machined. It's joints are a perfect 90 degree angle. The air shafts from the room reach outside and can provide minimal ventilation.

The "relieving chambers" are a series of five slabs over top of The King's Chamber. Their combined weight is 400 tons and the top slab is has a bevelled pointed roof. They do not relive much weight in the pyramid, engineering wise, so their very name is a misnomer. What are they really for?

The Queen's Chamber has a beveled wall that defies explanation. It is a beautiful niche. What was it used for? What was anything in this place used for? Not a tomb by any means!

The Niche of the Queen's Chamber

The Underground Chamber is a creepy cave that doesn't incorporate the polished limestone or granite walls that The Pyramid is made of. It's referred to by Egyptologists as an "unfinished burial vault". What they never mention is how fucking far underground this thing is. You have to take a descending passage far below The Pyramid to reach it.

Look at this picture:

You have to keep in mind that when we see the The Great Pyramid today, it is the same as looking at this rusted out car. We know what this car used to look like when it was shiny and new. Well, The Great Pyramid is weathered, dilapidated, stripped of all it’s glory and absolutely not the way it looked in antiquity. We have to imagine it shiny and new.

The Great Pyramid is not just a pile of rocks. Far from it. It is an archaeological, architectural and engineering mystery of epic proportions.

It cannot be overstated how advanced it is. It is a complicated structure of massive heavy granite and limestone made to stand for eternity. It has rooms and passages made from differing sizes rock that are engineeringly impossible to replicate today.

*1 Robert Bauval, Keeper of Genesis
*2 machining: to make, prepare, or finish with a machine or with machine tools
*3 Erich Von Daniken; The Eyes of the Sphinx

Stay tuned next Monday for Part 3!

Part 1

Part 1 - The Great Pyramid Controversy: History of The Great Pyramid

The Omni Report presents our 3-part series on:

The Controversy and Mystery of the Great Pyramid of the Giza Plateau, Cairo, Egypt; Specifically Why Dr. Zahi Hawass Sucks and How Rudolph Gatenbrink Got Shafted.

The Great Pyramid Controversy
Part 1: A History Lesson

“Man Fears Time, Time Fears Only The Pyramids”
Herodotus

The Great Pyramid of Giza was named a UNESCO World Heritage Site in 1979. It is the only remaining monument of the classical 7 Wonders of the Ancient World and it is pure awesome.

The only problem with the history of the Great Pyramid is the fact that we don’t know the history of the Great Pyramid! The only hieroglyphs associated with The Great Pyramid have been proven forgeries. The only other – the only other! – “evidence” is a stone carving with Khufu’s cartouche in front of the Sphinx. This cartouche is still unclear however. We do not know if it means that Khufu built or rebuilt either the Sphinx or Great Pyramid.

We’ll try to start at the beginning.

Contemporary Egyptologists including, and especially the fervent, Supreme High Commander and Pharaoh, The Big Z – Dr. Zahi Hawass, believe the Great Pyramid was constructed within a 20-year period with slave labor for a Pharaoh to be entombed in. Basically, a Pharaoh vanity project – and simply understated construction technique. 20 years of slave labor forces with Stone Age tools and no wheel. That is all.

The modern discovery of the Pyramids, as far as when it was first written about in history books, begins with Herodotus, The Great Father of History and one of the most famous of ancient Greeks. He wrote about the Great Pyramid in 440 B.C. and reported how ancient it was even in his own time!

Today we call this monument of the desert a pyramid, Greek for pyramis/pyramidos “Fire in the middle”. This is the first most overlooked, most underrated clue as to what The Great Pyramid really was.

A geographer in 24BC reported a hinged moveable door that could be raised up as an entrance on the north side. This location was lost in the first century AD and no door of this type has yet to be reported by The Big Z and his thugs.

Arabian adventurer Abdullah Al Mamun blew a hole in the Great Pyramid in 813 AD and gained the first modern entrance into the Great Pyramid in untold thousands of years. He used dynamite because he was pretty ignorant. This entrance is now called “The Robbers Tunnel” and it is the primary entrance used for tourists to this day.

The Robbers Tunnel/Main Entrance today

It was in the 14th century that Arabs stripped the casing stones off the pyramid and used them to rebuild earthquake stricken Cairo. These casing stones were pure limestone and gleamed so brightly even at night that The Great Pyramid, for thousands of years, glowed throughout the darkest of desert nights and lit up the day like the Las Vegas strip.

Rendering of The Great Pyramid in its full glory

In 1637 British citizen and Oxford University Astronomer, John Greaves, visited and began documentation of The Great Pyramid. He was followed by Nathaniel Davidson in 1763. Davidson has a chamber named after him and is also credited with the “Cardinal Point” compass discovery. More on this in Part 2 of this series.

Then came Napoleon. And what he discovered changed the world forever.

Napoleon conquered Egypt with 35,000 men in over 300 ships in 1799. Hardly anyone knows or even cares what they did except for one thing, the day one of the 175 archeologists, scientists and geologists that Napoleon brought with him, discovered the most interesting, awesome and useful artifact ever – The Rosetta Stone.

This rock engraving contained the same text in three languages: Greek, Egyptian and Hieroglyphic. It opened the door and unleashed the whole of the Ancient Egyptian Empire whose undeciphered works had lain silent for millennia. Suddenly (actually after laborious decipherment) the grandeur and epic culture of Egypt was alive. Here, now, you could go from monument to monument and read and understand the stories!

The Rosetta Stone

No longer had The Roman or Greek civilizations been the first and second great waves of humanity. Unlocking the hieroglyphs changed our concept of history (and now, we know of Sumer as the actual cradle of civilization). The Rosetta Stone cured our historical and cultural amnesia.

Colonel Howard Vyse came in 1837. Unsatisfied with his genuine archeological discoveries he went on to perpetrate one of the saddest, ridiculous and upsetting acts of vandalism ever committed anywhere…he defaced the inside of The Great Pyramid with Khufu's cartouche. He painted it in red paint - was caught "red handed" with the pots! He deliberatley painted the name of Khufu in the pyramid in a heiroglypic cartouche.

Unfortunately mainstream Egyptologists refuse to accept it was a forgery and hence we have The Great Pyramid aka The Tomb of the Pharaoh Khufu. Although no bodies were ever – ever- found in a pyramid in Egypt. There is only one worldwide exception - Lord Pacal’s tomb in Palenque. That's it. NO BODIES ARE EVER FOUND IN PYRAMIDS.

In the late 1800’s several astronomers came and wrote books about The Great Pyramid. The word “pyramidology” was coined in 1878.

It wasn’t until 1925 that the base of The Great Pyramid was cleared of all rubble, sand and debris. It was then that accurate measurements could be taken.

Books about the Great Pyramid have not stopped being written or printed. Easily over a dozen books a year are published regarding this greatest structure on Earth.

In the 20th century, Egypt itself began to take charge of it’s archeology creating several museums. The modern Egyptian tourist movement took off!

Today one man alone is in absolute total control of every single monument in Egypt including the most amazing archeological monolith on Earth and the most famous thing on the planet. This man is Zahi Hawass.

Saty tuned for Parts 2 and 3! Part 2 coming next Monday!

HE RESIGNED! THE PHARAOH IS GONE!

Oh my! There is much lamentation and sorrow right now. We are beating our chests, cutting our hair, going into mourning, wearing black and crying out to God "WHY!?"

Okay not really, but the shock hasn't worn off. It's only begun!

Our beloved/despised Dr. Zahi Hawass has quit! It's TRUE...

This is directly from his blog (Check for updates and video)

Dr. Hawass.com

Why Dr Hawass Resigned

Q: Dr. Hawass, for many years you have been the image of modern Egyptology. Why are you leaving now?

A: “I am leaving because of a variety of important reasons. The first reason is that, during the Revolution of January 25th, the Egyptian Army protected our heritage sites and the Egyptian Museum in Cairo. However, in the last 10 days the army has left these posts because it has other tasks to do. The group now in charge of the protection of these sites is the Tourist Police, but there are no Tourist Police to do this either. Therefore, what happens? Egyptian criminals, thieves (you know, in every revolution bad people always appear…), have begun to destroy tombs. They damaged the tomb of Hetep-ka at Saqqara, the tomb of Petah-Shepses at Abu Sir and the tomb of a person called Em-pi at Giza. They attacked a storage magazine at Saqqara and we do not yet know how many artifacts are missing; they opened two storage magazines at Giza; one tomb dated to the 19th Dynasty, the only one in the Delta in fact, was damaged at Ismaïlia; and a store at El-Qantara East has been broken into and looted for antiquities. People have begun to build houses and to excavate at night, everywhere, putting heritage sites all over the country at risk. I had to write a report and I sent it to the Director of UNESCO. That is why at the meeting of the Egyptian cabinet yesterday I had my speech prepared already and I said: “I cannot stay in Egypt and see antiquities being stolen when I cannot do anything to stop it!” This situation is not for me! I have always fought to return stolen artifacts to Egypt. I did fight Ahmed Ezz as well, the man in the Parliament, who was the most powerful man, because he wanted to allow antiquities to be sold in Egypt again.

The second reason is that there are two crooks in the Antiquities Department, who have accused me of stealing antiquities and doing other illegal things all of the time. Their files talk about this. A third person started saying similar things, a university professor who was the Antiquities Director for almost 6 years before me, who never accomplished anything in that time. As a corrupt man, he even gave his signed permission to a rich lady from another Arabic country to take manuscripts out of Egypt! These three people encouraged young Egyptians to protest against me personally, to shout outside my office that they needed jobs. Sadly, I cannot give a job to everyone, but I did find funds to provide nearly 2000 training positions. In response to the horrible rumors that I am stealing antiquities. How could this be?! How could a man who has given his life to protecting and promoting antiquities, be accused later of stealing them?! Because of all of these things, I believe that if I stay in my position for another six months, I will never be able to protect the antiquities I love and I will never be able to work during this mess. All my life, I have been excavating, discovering, writing books and giving lectures all over the world. My work is responsible for bringing many tourists to Egypt, which helps our economy. But now I cannot do this! Therefore, I decided to resign”.

Q: Your decision could have a very negative impact on tourism in Egypt and on the image of the post-revolutionary Egypt…

A: “I know. I agree with you, but what can I do? I cannot work during this mess. Antiquities are my life. I cannot see with this mess in front of me. I cannot work with these dishonest people trying to tell everyone else that they are honest. I was writing an article before you came about a situation similar to this that happened 4000 ago in Egypt. A nice man, his name was Ipuwer, tells us on a papyrus what he saw when he took a look at the state of the country. He describes chaos - how the poor became rich and rich became poor. The lady who had a mirror before cannot find the mirror now. She looks at her face in the water. People robbed the pyramids, they robbed everything. That is what is happening now too! It is something I cannot stop! I can work if there is discipline and honesty, but dishonest people have begun to appear and to attack the honest people. I can stand against them if antiquities are safe, but at the moment antiquities are not safe!”

Q: What are the conditions under which you would come back to lead the Ministry of Antiquities?

A: “I will come back if there is stability at the sites and if there are police, as it was before, to protect the sites, but now people come to them with guns. They stand in front of my security people, who run away, because they are not armed. In the past, the police refused to give them weapons. Therefore, everyday, in the morning, I am waiting for news. What has been robbed today? What has been stolen today? Since I cannot stop this, I cannot come back.

Q: Recently, you issued an urgent appeal to the young Egyptians of the revolution to protect the sites. What was the reason behind this?

A: “It was wonderful. This is something that really everyone should know. On Saturday, January the 29th, I went to Tahrir Square at nine in the morning. I walked among the young people there. They came to me and explained how they put themselves in front of the Egyptian Museum to protect it. When I checked inside, I saw that all the masterpieces of the Museum’s collection were still there. That is why I originally announced that the Museum was safe. Sadly, we have since discovered that 18 objects were stolen and 70 were damaged, but the final report is still in preparation and we will know the real result soon. The Director of the Museum has told me that there are more missing artifacts, but none are major pieces. Thanks God, someone found a statue of Akhenaton giving an offering near a garbage can in Tahrir Square and returned it. The Egyptian Museum is open again now. I would like people to go to it and see that it is safe. I have also been arguing with people who are now trying to tell me, “How can you ask for the bust of Nefertiti to be returned to Egypt, if your own people are stealing and damaging the monuments?”. I say that if what happened in Egypt, with the police force abandoning the streets for two nights, had happened in Rome, for example, Rome too would be robbed, completely. Their museums would have been robbed as well. Thank God, all that happened that day here was not that bad.”

Q: Frankly, Dr. Hawass, are you encouraging tourists to come back to Cairo and to the archaeological sites, or is this still not safe?

A: “Honestly, I have to tell you that if the Ministers of Tourism and of the Interior make a statement to give back the police their power, tourists could come to visit Egypt again. Until now, however, they have not done this. This means that visitors from abroad will have to wait until police officers and Antiquities Police are at every archaeological site once more.”

Q: Until that moment, it is not safe?
A: “I can say this, yes.”

WHOA! Did you get all that? Dr. Hawass is resigning as a form of protest! The antiques are being looted at gunpoint and he can no longer protect anything. Rather than take the blame for that, he is heading to the hills!

We thought he'd be stronger than that. Either he's still really pissed that Mubarak got overthrown and along with it all his perks and privileges OR he wants the new government to beg him to stay.

Stay tuned...!

Read Robert Bauval's Blog: The Case of the Disappearing Ministry


Loyalists Beg Him to Stay - Article


USA TODAY.com - Article

"I demonstrated with the people in Tahrir Square and they love me"

He's BAAAACK! The Last Great Pharaoh of Egypt is back again and doing well.

He's posted on his blog a number of statements regarding the last few weeks. Including our title in which he says he protested in Tahrir Square with everyone else and that the people love him.

Dr. Hawass says that HIS department is not and was not ever corrupt, emphatically stating that his has always been an HONEST department.

Also under his administration he, "raised salaries three times, created a social club for SCA staff, started the Festival of Archaeologists (which recognizes the achievements of Egyptian archaeologists at all levels), assisted employees in getting into university programs abroad and started many training programs for young archaeologists in Egypt."

Well, that should shut everyone up. A Festival! Why didn't he just say that in the first place!

Oh and to top it off, "Hawass also said he met yesterday with a group of young archaeologists representing the protestors picketing his headquarters. He said they offered him flowers and an apology for not understanding that the ministry is "trying to increase the number of jobs available for newly qualified archaeologists and restorers."

Flowers! Well it was just Valentine's Day - One Two dozen red roses for Dr. Hawass please with a note that reads, "I Heart Zahi"...

The article concluded with: " I hope that I will keep my new position because I believe that the monuments and museums of Egypt need me..."

Awww...We need you too, Pharaoh. Somewhere deep in our hearts we couldn't live without you!

Read the entire article...
Science Mag.com article

Is The Pharaoh in Trouble? - UPDATED - Yes, He is in Deep S***

Headlining The Daily Grail Front Page is the story of how The Big Z might be facing his last days in office!? This is good and bad. We know Dr. Zahi Hawass is the worst technical archaeologist on record and is arrogant and racist. We also know that he is totally unique and has such zeal and passion it has to be admired. He is also a tough son of a bitch and at 70+ years old can still trek 8 miles across the desert while bitching at others to shut the hell up and keep moving.

If he leaves the world will never be the same! Who will we write about every day with such simultaneous revulsion and affection?

"An acquaintance of his who visited him today at his office while protesters outside bayed for his downfall described the usually supremely confident archaeologist as "shattered" by recent events, and said most of his books and personal papers have already been moved out of the office."

OH NO!

Read the article "The Fall of The Pharaoh" HERE at The Daily Grail

UPDATE:
It's worse than we thought! The Mubarak corruption has left Egyptian archaeologists out of work for so long they are now storming the gates of the Ministry of Antiquities. In fact, all labor unions are on strike.

From Sky News at News.sky.com:

"Inside we were trying to interview celebrity Egyptologist turned government minister Dr Zahi Hawass. Our interview was interrupted by his secretary.

"The crowd is trying to break down the gates and climb in," she told him anxiously.

Dr Hawass phoned the army to ask for protection and then the Interior Ministry. He told the army commander the mob had been organised by the Muslim Brotherhood.

"It's chaos," he told us. "The revolution will destroy Egypt. It's happening everywhere. How can I suddenly give all these people jobs."

As we left the crowd forced the gates and stormed the forecourt shouting: "Give us work." "


Full article Here


“Get out,” chanted a crowd of 150 archaeology graduates outside Hawass’ office on Monday. The protest was highly personal: demonstrators called Hawass a “showman” who seeks publicity and has little regard for the thousands of archaeology students who are unable to find work in their field.

This certainly spells doom for Zahi. If he makes it out of this one, he will forever be cemented into the annals of history as the True Pharaoh of Egypt. Allahu Akbar!

MORE UPDATES:

"The rally was raucous but peaceful. Several soldiers blocked protesters from entering the Supreme Council of Antiquities building in the Zamalek district on an island in the Nile that was largely spared the chaos that gripped Cairo. An armored personnel carrier parked in the street, a helmeted soldier poking out of a hatch.

The minister did not appear, and a roar of disapproval swept the crowd when someone said he had slipped out the back door. Then there was a rumor, unconfirmed but no less damaging to his image, that his car had clipped a pedestrian. The protesters dispersed at dusk, and promised to return.

The graduates said the antiquities ministry had offered them three-month contracts at 450 Egyptian pounds ($75) a month, hardly enough to survive. They noted that Egypt's tourism industry is a major foreign currency earner, and yet it was unclear how exactly the government was spending the income.

A foreign tourist spends up to 160 Egyptian pounds ($27) to visit the pyramids of Giza and descend into a tomb there, said 25-year-old Said Hamid. Multiply that, he said, by the thousands who used to visit daily until upheaval drove away foreign visitors and plunged the lucrative industry into crisis.

"Where is the money?" said Hamid, a 2007 graduate who works in a travel agency but specialized in restoration of artifacts as a student."

The people are calling for his resignation. This Hamid, makes a spectacular point. Where is the money, Dr. Hawass? In the Swiss vault next to Mubarak's? WOW!

ALLAHU AKBAR! The Celebration of the Century!

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES?! YES!!

Allahu Akbar means God is Great. And for the Egyptian people God has been great. We've never seen so many people so jubilant. It's like the entire country is celebrating a Superbowl win, a Stanley Cup and a Powerball win all the same time. They are partying their asses off!

It's quite frankly the greatest, most moving thing we have been proud to witness in our lifetime. It's mind blowing.

The excitement is a force of joy so great that it is carried across the globe to Americans homes where like minded people are also celebrating as if they had just won some sort of freedom.

Shame on Glenn Beck, Newt Gingrich and Dick Cheney and others like them who would take the joy out of this by fear mongering their Islamic bullshit blah blah blah. Fuck you.

Every American should be happy for the Egyptian people. This country was built on revolution and the quest for freedom and justice for all, so when we see it happening LIVE, right in front of eyes, we have to celebrate and praise God.

Somewhere Ghandi is smiling...indeed he is laughing and clapping his hands...

A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history.
Mohandas Gandhi

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
Mohandas Gandhi

If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm.
Mohandas Gandhi

In a gentle way, you can shake the world.
Mohandas Gandhi


ALLAHU AKBAR! God is great indeed.

Egypt Update: He's Outta Here!

Hosni Mubarak realizing that yesterday's statements basically put an even bigger target on his back stepped down from power today.

Margaret Mead once said "A small group of thoughtful people could change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has," and you know what, Margaret? Sometimes 85 million people can change things too.

Hopefully, the people of Egypt will use this time to elect someone they like and someone with democratic term limits so they can do what we do here...elect them in and throw them out on a consistent basis. We're not sure that's how things can really get done or change anything anyway but it sure beats the alternative.

Egypt Update: Mubarak Signs His Own Death Warrant

"You can kill the revolutionary but you can't kill the revolution"
Fred Hampton

Hosni Mubarak just gave his third speech during the revolution and once again did not step down from power. He has basically inflamed the situation even more and now, we feel, that the people are through asking him to leave and will now be happy to drag his bloody corpse through the streets of Cairo.

This will not turn out well for Mubarak. All he had to do was abdicate power, go on vacation for a couple of weeks and then retire to a palace on the Red Sea. Now, the people will want him dead. He just doesn't get it or rather he does, but refuses to accept it.

He just wants everyone to shut up and get back to work. But the will of the people is strong. Much stronger than anyone could've imagined and having Mubarak speak to them like they are children is just making things so much worse.

This guy has just signed his own death warrant. We expect to see his palace burned down shortly, the state TV dismantled brick by brick and his corpse dragged through the streets. The people haven't just spoken, they are speaking and speaking and speaking. THE PEOPLE ARE NOT THROUGH SPEAKING.

Mubarak can continue to blame this revolution on foreign influences and try to deflect the people's anger to other countries, but this is all his fault.

Egypt Update: This Just In...

From Roy Rivenburg (who ever the hell he is):

King Tut Returns From World
Tour to Lead Egypt Out of Crisis

Egypt's former boy king, Tutankhamen, returned to Cairo today to seize power from President Mubarak.

"If Jerry Brown can resume being governor of California after a 30-year absence, I can reclaim my throne after 3,350 years," the pharaoh said.

In a hieroglyphic text message sent to protest leaders, Tut promised to rescue Egypt's finances by selling off his treasures, which include a gilded bed, mummified internal organs and a condo made of stone-uh.

Tut canceled his long-running world tour after Mubarak's hold on power began to crumble.

Despite Tut's age, experts said he was "remarkably well-preserved" and qualified to lead Egypt out of the 20th century and into the 35th century B.C., which would align the nation with several other Arab regimes.

Copyright 2011 by Roy Rivenburg
______________________________________

And from Andy Borowitz this gem:

WikiLeaks Reveals Details of Mubarak's Severance Package

According to the documents made available by WikiLeaks, upon leaving office Mr. Mubarak will receive $40 billion but will not be allowed to serve as dictator of another country for six months.

Additionally, once he departs Egypt Mr. Mubarak will be transferred immediately to the Pyramid on the Vegas strip.

"Safe" is the Word From The Pharaoh...And More...

According to Dr. Hawass: "The Valley of the Kings is safe, the pyramids are safe, 24 museums are safe, the synagogues and the monasteries and the Muslim monuments are completely safe." Thanks, Zahi!

Dr. Hawass was also moved by an elderly woman's plight to see the Pyramids. The woman, from Mississippi, forced to leave Egypt due to the little revolution there, has gotten The Pharaoh's personal promise to fly her back all expenses paid for a personally guided tour of the Giza Plateau. Lucky Duck!

See the video here

Also, The Omni Report was the first to publicly state that Dr. Hawass should take over the government and is happy to report that call is FINALLY being taken up by others! There are calls for him to be elected as Prime Minister.

From The Huffington Post:

"He (Dr. Zahi Hawass)would ensure a proper and methodical, no-rush transition. He would ensure all are treated with the respect and care they are due.

Let him now save his country. He is the only one with the international stature and reputation to do it. He will be able to accomplish this in Mubarak's last six months. Elevate him. Give him both the reins and the responsibility. Now we will have archaeology coming to the rescue of Modern Egypt and not the other was round.

He who has done so much to save Egypt's antiquities, could now be the one best-placed to preserve Egypt's unique and at-risk cultural dynamic. Elevate him to the Premiership. He certainly will not fail. He has never done so before."

Fucking A! That's what we've said since Day 1!

Read the entire post Titled: "Zahi Hawass for Prime Minister" here