SURVIVOR: Sophie Takes All

The Final Three: Albert, Coach and Sophie

Season 23 ends with Sophie Clarke winning the $1 million bucks in a very close final vote tally. It was actually the closest vote in years, being split between Coach Wade and Sophie.

Alas! Our beloved Coach makes it to the final three and then loses by just a few votes. Poor Ozzy, who did everything possible, came in at number 4 behind Albert.

Coach gave a lovely speech about being The Phoenix rising from the fire right before the final Tribal. He has now gone from being The Dragonslayer to being The Phoenix. He's one of a kind. And he's OUR Winner.

Ozzy. Ozzy. Ozzy. This kid didn't win the $1 Mill in any of the three times he played, but he is definitely a winner. He also gave a speech at the Reunion show about finding God in nature. It was awesome.

Ozzy wasn't the best Survivor Contestant but he is the best Survivor ever. He is the only one of the hundreds of Survivors that could ACTUALLY BE A SURVIVOR. If left to perish on a deserted island, people would be shocked to see him 20 years later, healthy as a horse with a home made beach house.

At the reunion, Coach tried to keep it together but you can tell he thought he was going to win.

Evil Russell Hantz showed up and talked shit about this nephew on live TV. He wasn't proud of Brandon's behavior and style of play and was supremely pissed that Brandon apologized to everyone for being a Hantz. It was crazy and sad and yes, we still love the character of Russell. It's beyond good TV.

Ozzy rules the jungles

It was a great season.

Coming in February, Survivor: One World.


Season 23 Survivor Eps at CBS.com

SURVIVOR: "This Game's Not Made For Me, Bro"

Brandon "It's God's Will" Hantz

Lat night's ep was the last regular episode of the season. And what a great season it's been.

Sunday's night's finale is set up to be one of the best ever.

Against unbelievable odds, Coach's alliance has made it INTACT from day one to the very end. It was an amazing run. Now, the fireworks really begin as the last of the 4 alliance mates will implode, which we predict will be spectacularly.

First up was the Redemption Island duel with Edna vs. Ozzy. You would think that Ozzy would wipe the floor with her but a crazy thing happened. Once again, Survivor NEVER FAILS TO DISAPPOINT. While Ozzy was getting through the first half of the challenge with ease, Edna struggled. Then the tribe, which is all 6 of the Te Tuna alliance, started yelling at her what to do. It worked and Edna caught up so fast to Ozzy that she had the final puzzle half way finished. Jeff kept saying, "Ozzy's on his own" and rubbing it in his face. It was pretty cool to see the people that voted her out last week trying to help her. I think it eased the pain when she lost.

Also, one last word on Edna. She's the only Survivor in recent history that had no trouble throwing her buff into the fire. Most people try to hold onto it as a memento or at least feel bad destroying it at the end. Not Edna, "this thing stinks, I can't wait to burn it," she said. Jeff laughed, everyone applauded her and a good time was had by all.

Well not really. Ozzy waved to everyone and then was back to Redemption to wait for one more person to get voted off and come and challenge him. That person is...

Drums please...Brandon Hantz.

What a putz! Brandon made a classic Survivor Move of Stupidity.

At the Immunity challenge, Brandon pretty much kicked ass and won. Coach was kind of close but not quick enough. And we got to see Coach looked very pissed. He was still very zen-like but in a angry zen way. He looked like one of the Angry Birds.

Everyone was resigned to voting out Albert, who's been getting on their nerves. However, Albert went to Brandon and played the Blood Brother card. Albeit he pleaded his case very poorly as far was we were concerned, but Brandon got all fraternal and changed his mind. He then went to Coach and told him that he's going to sacrifice his Immunity and give it to Albert.

Coach then prayed for a name. And he was given one. You see God is a big Survivor fan and we're pretty sure that the producers are recruiting straight from the Bible Belt because the last few seasons have given us some pretty heavy Jesus freaks and Brandon is NUMERO UNO.

At Tribal Council, Brandon didn't even wait for Jeff to start or even say hello. He announced immediately that he was giving his Immunity necklace to Albert. Brandon has no filter of any kind and then started spouting all of his God talk. Now, were not against God in any way shape or form and it IS nice to see people on TV praise Him or whatever, but not like this. When people - Brandon - start saying that "God told me this or that" or "It's God's will that I win or don't win" they sound fucking crazy and it's annoying and you just then look at them with pity instead of respect. And that's what happened to Brandon. He knew he was digging his own grave and got to the point where he actually said "if Coach votes me out it's God's will."

BINGO! Coach got his "out" with Brandon and was able to vote him off without violating any "Honor and Integrity Rules". So Bye- bye Brandon.

What were Coach's parting words of wisdom? "It’s God’s will. Go win redemption.”

We don't even know what to say about that. Our jaw hit the floor in shock because Coach sounded like a religious cult leader who just administered a bucket of kool-aid and then we collapsed in laughter.

He's off to challenge Ozzy for the final Redemption Duel. Winner gets put back into the game and the final 5 go on to cut each others throats.

That was when Brandon made the most succinct statement of the season to Ozzy - "This game's not made for me, Bro."

Look for a CRAZY showdown on Sunday night as 3 people are voted out and three vie for a win.

What does Jeff think?

"But right now my vote would go to Coach if he makes it."

Yes!

EW's recap

EW.com's 3 Q's with Jeff Probst

SURVIVOR: Another Hantz!

First and foremost, we congratulate Jeff Probst! Noticeably absent from the usual Wednesday night Survivor TweetFest and buff giveaway, we learned today that he's on his honeymoon having gotten hitched on Monday.

Ok. So what happened on Survivor last night? None of this recap is in any order...

It was family reunion night so we were treated to ANOTHER HANTZ. That's right, Brandon's dad, who is THAT Hantz's brother, made an appearance. Now we know it's not just Russell and Brandon who are crazy, it really is the entire family.

Shawn Hantz, who moved and spoke just like his evil brother, Russell (who we still LOVE by the way) said this of his son "I don’t know how he hasn’t gotten voted off yet."

Hmmm, neither do we, so I guess not all Hantz's are crazy after ....wait...then he confronted Coach and tried to make him take his son to the final three.

Coach, in his camera interview, laughed it off. All Hantz's are bullies, so why should this one be any different?

Cochran ALMOST won at Redemption. It would have been the greatest upset of all time. He gave a heartfelt, tear stained speech to Probst at the end detailing why he loves the game so much and how happy it made him to be there.

"This has been by far, the most incredible moment of my life," he said. Goodbye Cochran. You did it! You outlasted far longer than you probably should have and you were great. Good job! You earned your one-name name.

Ozzy won and then got to spend time on Redemption with the three Survivors he picked to visit with their relatives. Why all six people had to stay with Ozzy is a mystery. The poor guy didn't get to see a loved one video or an actual loved one. He got dicked. Except for when Coach came by...

Coach wants to take Ozzy to the final three so it can be "two noble warriors facing off" or something. We don't know. Or care. We just totally adore Coach Dragonslayer Zen Master Wade. By the way, we got to see his brother, a normal looking dude, named Pete. Just Pete. Not another epithet in sight! Guess Coach took them all.

Best moment of the night? When Rick got to touch his wife, he grabbed her ass and goosed her on national tv. Isn't Love grand?

There are only 2 more episodes left! The normal Wednesday night and then the 2 hour Sunday night finale. Already! We've really enjoyed the last few years of Survivor. It's just so awesome.

WE WANT COACH TO WIN. WE WANT COACH TO WIN. WE WANT COACH TO WIN.

With only 6 players left, who do you want to win?

Coach, Albert, Sophie, Brandon, Ozzy, or Rick?

The guy on the left is called Pete, the guy on the
right is a Dragonslayer who wears knee highs

Jeff and new wife, Lisa

Survior Fandom.com

EW.com's 3 Q's with Jeff Probst

SURVIVOR: OutWit, OutPlay and Cut Someone's Throat

Te Tuna Tribe

The Merged Tribe has a new name. Te Tuna. That's pretty much all we have to say about that, other than, my cat thinks it's f'ing cool.

Last night's ep was one of the double elimination ones. Those are the best because as soon as the show starts there's an Immunity challenge and at the 20 minute mark you're already at Tribal Council. Then, when the show comes back at 8:30 there's ANOTHER Immunity/Reward challenge and then ANOTHER Tribal. It was just continuous awesomeness last night.

Cochran caught a bunch of shit from his former tribe because of his vote at last Tribal. He handled it okay and Coach's tribe tried to make him feel better.

So off to Tribal where Jim tried like hell to turn the tide against Cochran, painting him as the self-centered dishonorable player and the obvious choice to vote off. His argument went something like, "we have to make a stand on honor and integrity versus disloyalty."

Coach called him on it and said he rather vote for a person that could stand up for themselves.

Ozzy ended up getting voted out after Jim, the medical marijuana guy, won immunity. He said some snarky things on the way out. Whatever.

The best was yet to come.

One of the funniest things on Survivor is how people react to seeing food after being deprived for so long. At the second Immunity Challenge, Jeff explained the challenge (another balancing act which favors the women) and then unveiled a table full of food.

His choice to the Survivors was to either play for Immunity or fore go the challenge and eat some food while the challenge was in play.

Now, several times in Survivor history, we've seen Survivors not play in order to eat, taking the chance that they won't need Immunity at Tribal.

But we've never seen this.

The ENTIRE 7 person alliance, in other words, all of Coach's tribe plus one turn-coat Cochran, elected to sit and eat while only 3 people - the remainder of Ozzy's tribe - had to play it out for Immunity.

It was classic Survivor and proves, once again, that there is ALWAYS something NEW with this game and as many times as you think you've seen 'em all, NO YOU HAVEN'T.

The entire unprecedented voting bloc just sat there stuffing their faces while Jeff laughed at them and with them. You should have seen Coach's iced coffee mustache. Hilarious!

The poor remaining Savaii members tried their hardest. Dawn is one hell of a player. She even told everyone she'd stay longer in the challenge to give them all time to eat more. Aww! She's very impressive but failed this time to Whitney, leaving Jim as the obvious choice to vote out.

In fact, when Jim fell off the beam (see what we did there?), Brandon literally got up and cheered. How's that for in your face? It angered Jim who got all snippy with Jeff. Of course, Jeff laughed it off. He's been called worse by bitter starving Survivors.

And so Jim got sent packing to Redemption where he will duel with Ozzy and Keith. Only one winner gets to go back to the tribe. The other two go home. We'd never bet against Ozzy. Especially now that he has an axe to grind on Cochran's head.

Ozzy cries to Coach about how badly fucked over he is...
We just want Coach to take off his whole shirt

EW's 4Q's with Jeff Probst

CBS.com Survivor Site

Follow Jeff on Twitter during the show @JeffProbst. You can win stuff and some of the posts are hilarious!

SURVIVOR: The Dragonslayer Sees All

Coach "Dragonslayer" Wade
a.k.a the best dressed Survivor contestant in history

Last week Survivor contestant Ozzy went full-on balls out. He had his tribe vote him off so he could win at Redemption Island and give his tribe the numbers going into the merge. It was up in the air as to how brilliant or truly stupid this was. Would the tribes even merge? Could he survive at Redemption Island?

Last night we learned that his historic move WORKED! Ozzy won at Redemption, sending home 6-time winner Christine. The Tribes MERGED and all seemed to working for Ozzy.

Except for one little thing...Cochran. Yes, the Survivor fanatic who became a bullied contestant played a HUGE part in what went down last night.

So, Ozzy's plan is not only in full effect, it IS WORKING LIKE A DREAM. Even Jeff was shocked. But you should have seen Jeff try to keep a straight face as Ozzy lied about what happened at Tribal - the entire tribe was acting as if Cochran was ostracized so that he could infiltrate Upolu, Coach's tribe, and act as a spy.

In reality, Cochran, to his credit, actually did try to play along...but he hadn't yet dealt with Coach Dragonslayer, who apparently was NOT born yesterday.

2 seconds into giving Coach the prepared made up spiel, Coach called him out!

Coach spelled out the Savaii plan literally WORD FOR WORD. Cochran was stunned and couldn't recover enough to act. So he spilled the beans. Coach gave him an ego boosting pep talk and told him to pick a side.

Yes, it was a priceless Survivor moment. We are unabashed Coach fans, so while Ozzy is a kick-ass player, Coach is just an awesome guy and we just love him to no end.

At this point the tribes are evenly numbered 6 to 6. For someone to be voted out, somebody would have to switch sides. Coach was playing Cochran the way Savaii wanted Cochran to play Coach and it was hilarious.

Tribal came down to an even vote as Cochran did not jump tribes...until round 2 of the vote, in which he did in fact switch.

With Ozzy losing a tribe member it looks as if Coach will be able to pick them off one by one.

In short, Ozzy's historic kick-ass Survivor plan was foiled by Coach Dragonslayer! Honestly, we couldn't be happier about it.

Redemption moment of the night: Brandon Hantz literally took Cochran under his wing immediately after Tribal, telling the kid to stick close by him. Cochran's tribe is out for his blood - he sold them out after all - but Coach's tribe has been nicer to him in the 5 minutes they knew him then all 18 days he was with Ozzy's tribe. Karma is a Bitch, yo!

Oh and this guy, Rick, received a ton of votes last night but just one short of Keith who had to pack it up.

Rick has been here the WHOLE time
apparently wearing some kind of
Cowboy Cloak of Invisibility

Revenge of the Nerd -
Cochran plays The Game and screws over Ozzy.
SCORE for the devoted fan turned contestant!

Survivor Site at CBS.com

Ew.com's 3 Q's for Jeff Probst

SURVIVOR: "Jesus on 3..One..Two..Three..Jesus!"

South Pacific is the 23rd season of Survivor

We've watched Survivor since the show debuted on May 31, 2000. It is widely considered to be on the of the best competition reality shows in history and its suave host Jeff Probst has swept the Reality Show Hosting Award for 4 consecutive years. Yeah, Probst! It has won Emmy's for best sound mixing and others but it won our hearts on Day One from Hello.

There's just something about it. The dynamics of social play, the crazy and ridiculous challenges, the strategies and lengths people go through to not starve and also win and of course the debonair, Jeff Probst.

And after over 300 episodes and over 350 contestants THE SHOW DOES NOT DISAPPOINT. Last nights episode was fucking awesome in every way.

The Redemption Island challenge was a barn burner that went.down.to.the.wire. Christine won her 5th Redemption Island challenge in a ROW, channeling last years Matt who freakin' swept the Redemption Challenges the whole way through.

Christine is in for a surprise though, for at the end of the episode THINGS GOT CRAZY. Like Britney Spears crazy although not Phillip crazy (We loved Phillip, btw).

First, we shall start with Coach "Sometimes you just gotta put a bullet in their head" Wade's Tribe, the Upolo. We kind of like them but like Coach the best. We want COACH to win it all.

However, Coach is saddled with Evil Russell's nephew, Brandon Hantz. We wouldn't mind so much except this boy is all sorts of fucked up. He needs a shrink stat.

Cut to close up of Coach on the beach praying to God that he isn't worthy and doing some kind of made up Tai Chi - but it looked good and Coach is a stand up guy. When he goes all "Jesus Freak" on you it's bearable because he does it right. Not hell and damnation, red neck Jesus Freak per se, but an Almighty Creator, pray to God the Father tolerable one. Anyway, it works and isn't too annoying and its gets even better.

Of course, everyone wanted to win the tribal challenge for both immunity and reward. Almost the lamest reward ever - a screening of a new Adam Sandler movie - but after being sensory deprived for weeks it seemed funny to the winners. We would have been more interested in the hot dogs and candy but oh well....

The producers had all of the Survivors make themselves up...we're not even going there (see the pics below to know why). So the challenge is underway and you see and hear Coach on the bench fervently praying out loud to God: "God almighty, father in heaven give us the strength to win this. I swear to God if we win we will get on our knees and thank you right here in front of everyone" or something to that effect...it was hilarious.

So....Coach's team wins! And before anyone can celebrate Coach literally grabs them and pulls them into the sand yelling "on your knees. Right now!" or something like that...it was hilarious. So they gave a very public thanks to God right on the beach. Yay...God! "Jesus" on 3..One..Two..Three..Jesus!

So, Ozzy's tribe loses and Ozzy does something no one in the history of the show has ever done. This is going to spark debate on whether or not he is the most brilliant Survivor EVER or literally the dumbest. And remember, Ozzy holds the record for being voted out of the game while holding TWO IMMUNITY IDOLS. It's hard to top that level of stupid but he's damn sure going to try.

Ozzy is convinced the tribes will merge next week. So he gave his Immunity idol to Cochran to hold for him so he could GO TO REDEMPTION ISLAND ON PURPOSE.

Yes, folks, Ozzy had the Tribe DELIBERATELY VOTE HIM OFF, so he could "win" at Redemption Island, come back into the game after the merge and then his tribe, the Savaii, should have "the numbers going into the merge".

Probst was literally stunned. "Let me offer another argument,” he said. “If you don’t win the duel, you go out a bigger fool than last time.”

Reiterating here - This is either in-your-face genius or stupid-as-shit.

And he was voted off. To go to Redemption Island. And not lose. Wow.

As far as Cochran, the lovable nerd/geek/underdog on Ozzy's tribe, he had ALL THE BEST LINES LAST NIGHT after losing the challenge and getting blamed for it. His tribe, Savaii, told him to his face he had to go...wishing him well at Redemption Island and to "come back soon". Although it didn't happen, Ozzy fell on his sword or "sacked up" as he so eloquently put it.

Cochran said this: "I'm used to being the odd man out but this is whole new level of ostracism" and "I don't get this kumbaya rationale" and "I feel like the court jester." Oh, you silly Cohran! You had us at "Call me Cohran" on day one.

Seriously, Survivor just gets better and better. It's must see TV.

Savaii all made up
the looks on their face say it all...
Its the look your dog has when you put him in clothes.
And that's Cochran on the right, the pasty white little one ;)

Upolo all made up and yes,
men wearing bikini tops FOR NO REASON

Wiki Survivor: South Pacific Page. Great stats and updates on all challenges, remaining players and much more.

EW.com's 3 Q's for Jeff Probst

Official Survivor site at CBS.com

Survivor: South Pacific Premiere TONIGHT

Survivor Fans Get Ready! Our show is back tonight for its 23rd season.

Returning Survivors are...drum roll please...Coach "Dragon Slayer" Wade and Ozzy Lusth.

Ozzy and Coach

Ozzy looks dopey in the above pic...but he's kind of a mellow guy anyway. Look for Coach to dole out some Zen and get the kids doing yoga on the beach again. Also look for him to be kind of crazy as always. Just not last season Phillip crazy.

Coach has been on twice now. Originally in the Tocantins and then Heroes vs Villains. He says "Coach 3.0 is going to different than anytime you've seen him."

Ahh. Sure, Coach. Whatever you say!

This marks Ozzy's third appearance as well. He started out on Cook Islands and then came back for Micronesia. We remember Ozzy as being very self sufficient. He can do all the physical stuff very easily - swim, climb etc.. - and he cooks and makes fire. He's a great Survivor contestant. We'd still vote for Coach either way. Sorry, Ozzy.

Also returning is Redemption Island, a feature we actually liked last season.

New player, Brandon Hantz, is the nephew of THAT Hantz. Yes, Russell. Does Evil and Villainy run in the family? We shall see.

Jeff Probst will be our host once again. It's his show now after all. Not many people who start out as show hosts become Executive Producers and 'ole Marky Burnett loves him some Probst. As do the rest of us!

Jeff Probst somewhere in the South Pacific

We just can't wait! 23 seasons and IT JUST NEVER GETS OLD. Bring on Survivor - we're ready!

CBS Survivor Website

SURVIVOR: And The Winner Is...

You probably already know and we'll get to the winner in a minute.

First, it's the Finale Show! That means 3 hours of Survivor, 3 Tribal Councils, 2 Challenges and 1 winner.

We started with the final duel on Redemption Island. Up, were Andrea, Matt, Mike and Grant.

Matt, The Undisputed King of Redemption Island, has spent 39 days there having been in the game only 7 days. He faced 11 duels and won 10, as alas, he was not the winner of this last duel.

We really though Mike or Grant had it as well, but no. Andrea wins and gets sent back to camp as one of the final four. The other three throw their buffs in the fire and are sent out of the game, to shower and change and join the jury at Tribal Council.

At the first challenge we can again expect a woman to win as it was a balance beam, run to collect bags and arrange numbers puzzle. Ashley wins immunity for the second week in a row, pissing off Rob and Rob narrowlymisses the win.

The first Tribal Challenge isn't much of a hoot. It's pretty straight forward. The jury files in: David, Julie, Ralph, Grant, Mike, Steve and Matt.

No surprise - we've been expecting this for weeks, Jeff asks for anyone to play the Immunity Idol now because it's the last time they will allow it. So lo and behold, Boston Rob coughs it up. No one seems surprised except, Phillip, who isn't supposed to be surprised at all being "The Undercover Specialist" and all.

Andrea gets voted out for the second week in a row. There was no need to use the idol after all, Rob could have taken it home as a souv.

The second Tribal Challenge is a HUGE MASSIVE maze the players must navigate, while finding hidden puzzle bags in 4 different huts, they must find their way to.

Ashley and Rob begin kicking ass, Phillip can only find 2 bags and Natalie gets lost immediately and only gets one bag, spending the rest of the challenge with her hands on her hips in the center about to cry at any moment.



Rob and Ashley go to the wire and when Rob wins the final challenge, the final immunity win, he starts to cry and then laugh. Later to the camera he cries pretty hard about his wife Amber (former Survivor winner) and his two babies at home. It would've been touching but he's so damn dramatic that we're over it. Plus, he says "The only question now is which one of these idiots I am sending home." Gee, how endearing.

At Tribal Council #2, Ashley finally gets the boot, or the torch snuffed in this case.

The final three: Rob, Phillip and Natalie go back to camp for a BIG feast.

They should be getting ready for the Final Walkabout, a Survivor tradition where the final two/three go walking around the island to the torches of all the voted out Survivors and...it's boring so the producers left it out this year.

The Internet is all abuzz about it, but as Jeff said, "We did shoot the tribute, but we had too much show and had to make a decision. We decided to edit the episode without it and if anybody spoke up during the notes process that they truly missed it, we’d revisit it. Nobody did. The “fallen comrades” has always been a “love it-hate it” part of the show."

Phillip finally threw his red droopy underwear into the fire and burned them forever! He made some big statement about it too: "My manhood was never reflected in these plum colored underwear." We agree Phillip.

At Final Tribal Council, Phillip shows up wrapped in a red blanket with two or three feathers sticking out of his headband. Love him or hate him, after 22 seasons and countless Survivors, Phillip has been the most unique. We love him.

The final Tribal is when the final three plead their case to win and the jurors get to unleash on them.

Rob made the best case. Natalie was stupid and Phillip really disappointed us. All he talked about was Rob. Man, they love that guy! This was his big chance and all he said over and over was I thank Rob for getting me here. Phillip, you're fired!

The jury had the usual questions: "Why should I vote for you? What did you learn? Are you proud of yourself for selling everyone out?"

All three got it pretty bad. Phillip was told he was weird and hated, his behaviour shameful. Natalie got called a coattail rider and useless. Rob got ripped for lying to everyone.

David, the lawyer, then got up and instead of talking to the finalists, he turned to the jury and addressed them. He pointed at Phillip and said he doesn't deserve to be here. He pointed at Natalie and called her stupid. He pointed at Rob and said he's the only one that was strategic.

The jury then cast their vote and Jeff took off with it to...6 months in the future in New York City for the live Reunion show and Winner Reveal.

Natalie didn't get one vote. Phillip only one. From Ralph the Sasquatch, who totally redeemed himself weeks earlier and made us like him. Rob "117 Days" Mariano wins the show finally on his fourth attempt.

The crowd goes wild as they all in his favor. Rob also wins the fan award, an extra $100 grand for the sweep. We can't figure that out, but whatever.

Russell shook hands with Rob, burying the hatchet and told Probst not to lose his number. He'll be back!

Phillip got a couple of cheers but we think they treated him badly trying to prove he was a Federal Agent. No one else has to show their resume to America. Phillip wasn't THAT crazy. We still think Russell should have to prove he's in the oil industry. He lies! Which leads us to the next item:

The greatest surprise? Not even Survivor related. BOTH Russell Hantz and Boston Rob land reality TV shows of their own. Rob a travel themed show on the history channel and Russell a real estate "Flip" show on A&E where he promises to revive Houston's economy singlehandedly. Real estate people lie? Russell will probably kick ass.

SURVIVOR: “I JUST NEED TO KEEP CONTROL”

Boston Rob

Another season of Survivor is almost over. Wednesday’s episode was the last of the regular season, with the Finale on Sunday night at 8pm.

There are still so many contenders for the win that is hard to see who can make it.

There are 4 people on Redemption Island with one of them coming back into the game yet. We hope that it’s Mike, the Iraqi War Vet. He gave away his reward last week, of seeing relatives, to the remaining Survivors in the hope of garnering some “good will” votes. But it’s still Andrea, Mike, Matt and now Grant, who was voted out last night.

“Put your hand on the handle”, said Jeff Probst to start the Redemption Island duel. But what do you call a race between 4 people? It can’t be a duel…just like Redemption Island isn’t even an island. It ceases to be a duel and becomes a contest.

Ralph, the Sasquatch, had the early lead and blew it trying to solve a puzzle. He’s now on the jury. He did have some funny things to say. To Andrea, who was just voted out – “Rob was usin’ you like toilet paper. Just wipin’ his ass with ya.” And to Andrea again “Go sleep on the floor.” To the camera, “If it was my house, I’d let her in to sleep in the guest room, but this ain’t my house and she ain’t on my tribe” or something close to that.

Matt has been on Redemption Island THE ENTIRE SEASON! THE.ENTIRE.SEASON. We guess God wants him there.

The remaining Survivors, Rob, Phillip, Natalie and Ashley are the “Final Four” so far. We don’t know how the Redemption Island person is going to play out.

Back at camp, Boston Rob isthisclose to his first win. And he wants it soooo badly. The other Survivors do everything he wants them to do. It’s amazing the control he has over those people. They aren’t even playing the game!

Rob gives the best quotes:

“I just need to keep control” – On being the puppet master and only having a few days left

“I’ve already run the numbers on this weeks ago” – On who to vote out next

“Where do you get caramel sauce? Is it like where they have the peanut butter shell stuff”? – On making a spontaneous pretend conversation with Natalie so Ashley won’t know they are conspiring against her.

“I have to do all the dirty work because everyone else is too stupid to do it” – On having to arrange the Tribal Council vote

Don’t forget Rob still has an Immunity Idol that NO ONE ELSE KNOWS ABOUT. He is running out of time to use it and Jeff will announce on one of Sunday’s Tribal’s that whoever has one left will have to use it. Everyone will be stunned to see it.

We are still harboring grudges against the tribe that voted out Russell, even though they aren’t there anymore! They won every challenge for weeks on end and came close to decimating Rob’s tribe. Then they threw a challenge just to get rid of Russell. That was the beginning of the end. They then lost, legitimately, EVERY CHALLENGE and when the merge came, Rob’s tribe chewed them up and spit them out, one by one. Russell told them you need numbers going into the merge and they were too dumb to accept that. Well, Rob’s tribe is too dumb to actually play the game! Even though Russell got voted out early, he was still the second best player of the season and one of the best players ever.

However, Boston Rob is SURVIVOR’s greatest player of all time. He has a way of dealing with people in a way that Russell couldn’t. We hope like hell Boston Rob wins…which brings us to…

Phillip “Secret Agent of Crazy” Sheppard. Please, God, let Phillip really win! His special kind of crazy really made this season and all in all we like him, psycho or not. Plus, he wears a feather on his head and prays to his great- grandfather the American Indian. You can’t beat that.

Rob is betting that he’ll win against Phillip and he probably will.

Tune in Sunday for the Finale and Reunion show!

SURVIVOR: God Wants Matt on Redemption Island

"I worship God."

Oh Boy, where do we start?

Matt, The Christian, won every single one of the Redemption Island Duels putting him back in the game after The Merge. Even with a cut foot, he survived the final challenge and made it back to both tribes, which then celebrated The Merge with the traditional Merge feast. Oh, and Secret Agent Phillip cued by Jeff Probst to say something when on and on and on about the Bushido Code again. Why, Phillip is the New Coach! He can be Secret Agent Coach.

The newly Merged tribe then named itself after Rob's Wife, Amber's, STUFFED ANIMAL COLLECTION. We have nothing to say on this. Nothing. Nada. LET IT GO. IT'S OFFICIALLY WIPED FROM OUR MEMORY BANKS. Ugghh.

Matt, the long haired, blonde, blue eyed evangelical God worshipper, had TWO choices: 1) Stay and forge new alliances within the tribe that voted him out or 2) flip to the other tribe (strictly a metaphor, they are really one tribe now) and forge new alliances there.

What does Matt do? He decides to "honor God" and go on to be one of the stupidest players in the history of Survivor. And we all know, there have been some DUMB people and DUMBER moves and there have been some moves and people that were even dumber than that. Matt is in this last category. DUMBER THAN DUMBER THAN DUMB.

He's a nice guy, it's hard to hate him, but you can't respect him at all. He's a fucking idiot.

So, Matt and "his girlfriend" Andrea decide to blindside Boston Rob and take him out, "Because the Game respects Big Moves." Okay, we're down with that. At least he's trying. So the minute Andrea turns around to, we don't know - pee behind a bush? - Matt goes over to Rob and pours his heart out. We mean, SPILL HIS GUTS. He told Rob everything, even that he was going to blindside him - which kind of gives away the whole "blind" thing - but hey, Matt has GOD on his side and is trying to be "honest".

TRYING TO BE HONEST? THIS IS SURVIVOR! WHAT PART OF OUTWIT, OUTPLAY, OUTLAST DON'T YOU FREAKIN' UNDERSTAND?

This isn't Church. It's not Camping Out for Honest People. What the hell, man!? Get your head out of your ass Bible!

At this point, there is a collective moan rising from every Survivor viewer in America the likes of which even old Obi Wan Kenobi hasn't heard or seen. And we know what happened to him when Alderaan blew up.

So Rob is pissed off. He can't believe the "audacity" or "the stupidity". He wants Matt put right back on Redemption Island, where he can continue to be a good Christian. But then Rob gets funny. He doesn't like the "Christian Coalition." In fact, Rob doesn't like when any group of people get together over anything...including "romantic comedies and Oreo cookies." Oh, Rob! You devil!

Andrea is pissed, too. Matt is her friend and the minute she stops to pee behind a bush?, Matt is throwing her, himself, the entire alliance under a bus. Even she can't believe how stupid Matt is. And she's not the sharpest knife in the drawer either.

The Immunity Challenge was an endurance feat, to stand on a log while balancing balls. Hearing Jeff say balls brought out our inner 8 year old and we giggled. Phillip Secret Agent Coach had immediate problems balancing on the log but ended up doing okay. Mike, labeled as Iraqi War Veteran, did great, but then...a fly landed on one of his balls. Again, we laughed like children. It kind of sucked though because it threw off his game and he lost to a girl. Women usually do really good on those endurance balance challenges. They're lighter, smaller and we think the boobs give them greater balance. We kid!

The Immunity necklace needs to be mentioned. IT'S KILLER. It's like an Aztec Golden thing and one of the better Immunity necklaces of all time.

So, the girl with the nice boobs wins it and it's on to the Tribal Council.

Enter everyone. Tribals after Merge have just so many people. Even Jeff commented on that. And we just have to say, it looked like Jeff was sitting a mile away from everyone. He was literally like a guy with a restraining order that had to sit at least 500 feet away from the players.

So, Boston Rob found a way to flush the Immunity Idol from "the other tribe" by getting them to think Mike the War Veteran was on the block. Ralph, the Sasquatch - we've never EVER seen anyone so damn hairy. He's just freakin' covered with it - offered up his Idol! Surprised everyone. Even Mike and especially us! First of all, who knew Ralph was a humanitarian or even liked Mike? And who would have ever thought he'd give up the Idol? Wow. And it was all for naught! Mike never even got a single vote.

Instead Grant "the Bod", the ex-NFL player, received alot and lo and behold! Matt got the lion's share and HAD TO GO BACK TO REDEMPTION ISLAND. It was actually sad. He looked so crestfallen, it was almost heartbreaking. Then we remembered how fucking stupid he is and how he wrote his own ticket. Then we weren't sad anymore and was instead like, "Duh! Not Winning! You Fucking Idiot!"

Matt had this to say: “I put my trust in God, and today God’s will was contradictory to what I wanted.”

Oh, Matt, you stupid, stupid sheep, the Tsunami wasn't what Japan wanted either. Sometimes, HE has other plans you know.

If you aren't watching Survivor, you are missing out on the best show on TV.

Next week: FOOD AUCTION!!

Jeff at EW.com

SURVIVOR: Russell's Last Chance

It's the end of an era. Russell Hantz is a Survivor no more. Many of you are rejoicing. We are sad. Russell was GREAT TV. Yes, he's a sexist ass, but you know what? He was fun to watch. We have been told that we could be duped by Russell into being one of his minion underlings and...we agree. If we were on Survivor we would have joined his "Dumb Bitch Alliance" in less than two seconds flat.

That being said, Russell and Matt "The Christian" battled it out on Redemption Island in a domino challenge and Russell lost.

Then...wait for it...wait for it...waaaaiiittt...For. It. HE CRIED. Bawled. Couldn't hold it back. Tears of frustration and anger and just plain old emotion. You see, Russell LOVES Survivor. He wasn't in it for the money. Or the Glory. He just wanted to play. And he lost. And he cried.

Then he "got his Russell on" and got mean. Ralph "The Sasquatch" said he had found the Immunity Idol and Russell was done anyway and that set 'ole Russ off.

You see, when a player gets voted off and sent to Redemption Island for a duel to remain in the game, the tribes get to send 2 witnesses. Russell's tribe send Ralph and some girl and Boston Rob's tribe sent "Secret Agent" Phillip and Kristina.

Ralph, like an idiot, flushed himself out as an Idol holder and tried to take it back sort of. Phillip, of course, being a Federal Agent had to let everyone know that it was too late. All those years of training lets him know when someone is lying.

Well, that's when Russell went off and spilled every bean the other tribe had. How his tribe threw the challenge just to vote him off, who's in charge of the tribe, who the alliances were, EVERYTHING. He said he would live on in the game through "them" - Phillip and Kristina.

To Jeff Probst's credit he just let Russell roll. Russell's Ravings = Ratings gold! "And, you know, people like my tribe that throws a challenge just to get rid of me because I’m Russell — not even worried about Boston Rob and his team and numbers. So it's hard to be a professional quarterback and have pee-wee leaguers on your team, because I gotta run the ball, I gotta catch the ball, I gotta throw the ball. I gotta do everything, " Russell said.

Good-Bye, Russell! It was fun while it lasted.

Meanwhile, Rob snuck off and FOUND THE IMMUNITY IDOL. WAY TO GO, ROB! Russell's gone but at least we still have 'ole Boston Rob around. More Ratings Gold.

Back at camp, Phillip tried selling the intel to Rob, which pissed Rob off. "Don't you work for me", he said. "You're in my alliance!" Which meant, just tell me, dude. WTF?

The Immunity/Reward Challenge: A Toolbox Sears product placement challenge. Tribes had to use a crowbar, shovel, axe, saw and a hammer to...do stuff. The reward? Barbecue! Food is always a motivator on this show.

We finally noticed a player named Grant. Nice bod! Just lose the dreads, ok? Phillip is old and slow. But he does try. He's starting to grow on us. He does mean well, he just doesn't have people skills.

Rob's tribe loses AGAIN! They haven't won one challenge so far this season! And the one they did "win" was because the other tribe threw it to vote out Russell! OMG!

So once again, Phillip called a tribe meeting that no one wanted to hear or contribute to. We kind of feel sorry for him. Just kind of...in that underdog sort of way.

So as much as Phillip's tribe hates him, Boston Rob is threatened by Kristina and arranges to vote her out. It works and at Tribal, Kristina gets sent to Redemption Island.

At Tribal, Phillip and Kristina argued over who should be booted and Phillip regaled us with an enchantingly crazy story about a "Shepard Stamp" and to tell you the truth he lost us after the first sentence...but it basically meant he's a hard worker. Or Something.

We are loving...LOVING..the new Survivor format. The eps start with a duel at Redemption and halfway through is the R/I Challenge. It's pretty great and fast paced. The only thing missing is the video at the very end where they show who voted for who...so you know who's in whos alliance. We're getting over it though. Instead they show the new arrival at Redemption.

Stay tuned! This show is the BEST ON TV!

CBS just renewed Survivor for another 2 seasons with our boy Probst as host and executive producer. YAY!

CBS Executive Vice President of Alternative Programming Jennifer Bresnan:
“Survivor is a program franchise that continues to stand the test of time. Each season delivers new faces, exotic places, the ultimate social experiment combined with game play, and one of the most engaged audiences anywhere on primetime television"

We are certainly "engaged" and have been since we saw the promo for this show in 1999!

EW's Q & A with Jeff Probst

SURVIVOR: There's a Sasquatch in Camp - UPDATED

This season is shaping up to be one of the best ever. It was only the second episode of the season and it rocked. First we had Ralph the Redneck Sasquatch find another Immunity Idol, we had a confrontation between Russell and Ralph leading to the narrowing of Russell's eyes (or are they always that way?). We had an Immunity Idol played at Tribal on day friggin' 5 and a total and complete blindside in the vote.

Well, where do we start? We're going to make this brief and only touch on a couple of points.

First of all, Ralph is so covered in hair that it was impossible to actually hear the confrontation between him and Russell for the hidden Immunity Idol clue over the voice in our head saying "Oh my God! Look at all that hair!" The guy is walking Sasquatch. It's complete head to toe body hair and it's thick and curly. You just want to dip him in Nair. Ugggh!

Secondly, Russell was manipulating like crazy this episode but we've got to talk Boston Rob. WOW! This guy knows how to handle anyone. So does Russell, but in two polar opposite ways. Russell is all muscle and Rob is a sweet talker. He has a way of making you feel like he's your best friend. Ask Coach from the last time Rob was on. BROMANCE CITY.

This season it's Phillip, aka The Crazy Federal Agent, who is in love with Rob. He said to Rob last night, "You have my vote, man." "Tell me who to vote for." Jeez! For a Fed, this guy is about as slick as the Atacama Desert. In other words, not at all.

Rob didn't tell him anything for fear he'd blab like last week. Instead Rob gave him a code and used it at Tribal. Phillip fell for it and voted for who Rob wanted him to. Meanwhile Rob and his true alliance of 3 peeps, voted out Matt. Matt did not see it coming and was completed stunned - totally like - deer in the headlights - stunned.

Matt's sin? After losing the reward/immunity challenge, Matt walked over to the opposing tribe and hugged and congratulated them. There have been much dumber things done on Survivor, but that was pretty much up there. Dude, what the hell were you thinking?

Next week is Redemption Island showdown #1. Francesca vs. Matt.

UPDATE: We're not the only ones completely repulsed by Ralph's body carpet. Read Tallulah's Survivor Blog...she's calling him Mansweater. We like Sasquatch better, though.

SURVIVOR: Idol Found on First Day + Immediate Sell Out

"Hi, I'm a former federal Agent, wear red underwear,
will annoy you instantly and sell you out at
the first opportunity. Nice to meet you"

You know, we never get bored saying this...Survivor continues to amaze us!

Since we first saw the promos for this show ten years ago, we've never gotten tired of it, never missed an episode and all for good reason. Survivor is the best competitive reality show on television.

First of all, the new tribes didn't seem thrilled to see Russell Hantz drop into their midst. And, oh boy, did Russell have the look of the devil on his face. The tribes looked alternately disgusted and scared of him. On the other side, Boston Rob was greeted as a returning Survivor God. His tribe worships him already and call him their "leader".

Secondly, for the first time ever, a new contestant found the Immunity Idol on the very first day. Of course, she was stupid with it. She shared the Idol secret with another woman, Francesca, and that was okay. Then she showed it to Mr. Crazy. Mr. Crazy is Phillip, a former Federal Agent, who is one of the most annoying Survivors ever. We can't even go into it. You have to see it to believe it. You should have seen him standing all crazy in his red droopy underwear telling everyone what to do. It was a WTF moment.

Kristina, the woman that found the idol on Rob's tribe, showed the idol to Mr. Crazy thinking that as a Federal Agent he'd be able to keep a secret. WRONGO!

In what was the most entertaining Tribal Council of all time (and there have been plenty) Phillip got mad at Kristina and Francesca and told everyone Kristina had the idol and wanted to send Rob home. Way to go, dude. Everyone's jaw just about hit the ground, including Jeff Probst. It was fucking crazy. Kristina looked like she wanted to kill Phillip and then just die. He sold out his alliance at the very first opportunity. And at Tribal! What a complete asshole. No wonder he is a "former" Federal Agent. He probably got on the phone with Saddam Hussein to argue about a sandwich and told him the whole "shock and awe" thing was going to happen.

All hell broke loose and then Boston Rob asked her for the idol. Just out and out said "Give it to me and you won't go home." Kristina actually handed the idol to Rob and when she turned down his offer, he gave it back. She got three votes at Tribal and probably would've have gone home but everyone thought she would play the idol and didn't waste all their votes on her. She didn't play the idol, held onto it and her friend, the other woman, Francesca, went home instead. Why they didn't vote out Phillip, AKA Mr. Crazy is beyond comprehension.

Meanwhile, the funny thing throughout Tribal was the fact that Mr. Secret Agent, couldn't pronounce the name Francesca. He kept stumbling all over it. This guy is a pisser.

Now, Francesca awaits the next cast-off at Redemption Island.

Back to Russell, for a moment. He's up to his old tricks and his tribe is onto him. The majority want him off asap. They even call him a "cancerous poison" But Russell still has luck on his side. His tribe won the challenge, did not go to Tribal and the longer he stays, the more castaways he'll ensnare in his trap. They didn't get Russell voted out that minute and so he'll be sticking around. We like it that way. Man is he fun to watch. What an arrogant, amusing SOB.

SURVIVOR: Redemption Island Tonight

Be sure to tune in to another season of SURVIVOR tonight on CBS 8pm EST...

Boston Rob, Russell Hantz + 16 other new contestants will vie for the million dollar prize.

The twist: When a Survivor gets voted off, they go to Redemption Island and await the next voted off castaway. Then the two will compete to stay in the game and on Redemption Island. Last castaway still standing on Redemption Island will be let back into the game to try again for the million.

Also in returning reality TV: Amazing Race will be back this Sunday night on CBS at 8pm EST and on March 6th a new Celebrity Apprentice. This one looks to be VERY good. The promos are off the hook. No one usually messes with Gary Busey but they are showing commercials with Meatloaf just screaming his head off at him. Can't wait!

And in Survivor News: Russell and Richie in Trouble

Federal authorities are giving the green light to prosecutors to throw Richard Hatch back in jail...again. This time for violating parole, meaning he still hasn't paid his taxes due. Hatch says he hasn't paid this time because he is awaiting appeals decisions.

And the Survivor everyone loves to hate, Russell Hantz is in deep shit for leaking the outcomes to both seasons he was on. Survivorsucks.com had previously published the correct elimination order for both seasons and was sued by CBS and Mark Burnett for the spoilers. Well, the man who runs the site has given CBS the emails that proves Russell was his source. CBS has dropped the lawsuit against the website and is now going to sue Russell for breach of contract, which means he will owe CBS in excess of 5 million dollars.

WOW! Russell was the first Survivor to do a bunch of things, but his hatred of Mark Burnett is deeper than we thought. He is the first Survivor in history to not take the 95 page contract seriously and the first to actually give away spoilers to the media. He is in trouble for sure.

SURVIVOR: And in Richard Hatch News...

Sorry, not THIS Richard Hatch..the sexy one.



THIS Richard Hatch, the Survivor one...

We like Richard Hatch. He was one of the original Survivor's, strutting around the beach naked and hanging with the old man Rudy. He won that season and has paid hell for it ever since.

He didn't pay his taxes which led to a THREE YEAR prison term - in a REAL prison. Excessive? Yes, it was just a million dollars. Martha Stewart was insider trading for millions of dollars and spent 6 months at Club Fed., a pansy Federal prison where she got to cook and sew sweaters all day.

Anyway, Richard is in trouble AGAIN and in court AGAIN for violating probation for not paying taxes AGAIN on the same money! He now owes $400,000 in back taxes, penalties and fees and is AGAIN on the chopping block and facing MORE PRISON TIME! YIKES!

Today it was announced that he was selected by Donald Trump to be on the next Celebrity Apprentice. Wowza! We don't know what to say, except for if he wins he better pay up fast this time!

SURVIVOR: Redemption Island

Well it hasn't begun to air yet, but the upcoming season named Redemption Island just got ALOT BETTER.

Guess who's back?

Boston Rob and Russell Hantz!

Image Credit: Monty Brinton/CBS (2)
Russell Hantz and "Boston" Rob Mariano

It will be Russell's 3rd (!) time and Rob's record breaking 4th attempt. Between them they have a combined 156 days out. You know the producers love these guys if they keep bringing them back and you know what? We do too! Rob's kind of an ass but he makes GREAT TV and Russell IS an ASS and makes even GREATER TV.

Host Jeff Probst: “I’m not concerned at all about any Russell fatigue — that people have had too much,” says Probst. “If you’ve had too much of Russell, I dare say you’re not really a Survivor fan. He embodies Survivor. He’s polarizing. You hate him or you love him.”

We LOVE LOVE LOVE him!

Bring it on!

Survivor: Redemption Island premieres Wednesday, February 16.

SURVIVOR: And the Winner is...

"Fabio"

And the Winner is: Jud Birza, the dumb blonde kid known as "Fabio". Clearly the least offensive choice of the final three Survivors, Fabio, at 21 years of age, is the youngest winner in Survivor history.

He didn't play the game as much as he just didn't backstab anyone so there were no ill feelings for him from the jury. However, it still was the closest Jury vote in YEARS, at 5-4, with Chase the good 'ole boy from South Carolina coming in second place.

Sash the backstabbing liar did not get a single vote and tried to sit there while not being embarrassed as the Jeff Probst read off the votes. He failed. It WAS embarrassing.

Jane, the tough old broad from South Carolina won the viewers favorite vote by a landslide, getting more votes than any other Survivor in the history of the show. Well, she did have a funeral for the chickens, which we liked.

The twist for the next season of Survivor is something called "Redemption Island".

Next season when a Survivor gets voted out, they will go to Redemption Island and await the next voted out Survivor. The two will then have to compete against each other. The last Survivor standing at Redemption Island gets to go back to the game and play again at the end.

Sounds interesting...we actually kind of like it.

The other change to the game? With public outcry through the roof over letting the 2 Survivors that QUIT on the jury with a viable vote, the producers have changed the rule. Now when you quit Survivor the producers have the right to just send you home. No jury, no vote. FINALLY!

The new season begins February 16th!

SURVIVOR: See Jane Get Dicked, Cry and Then Go OFF

This is Jane. One hell of a tough cookie and Survivor.
She's one of our favorites of all time.

WOW! The "reality" show Survivor never ever ceases to amaze us on EVERY level. After 20 seasons and hundreds of contestants, you'd think it would be over. Been there, done that. Yada, yada. NO WAY!!

We are down to the last 6 remaining Survivors. This is the scrawny, half-starved, desperate stage where each person knows they are basically an inch away from a potential ONE MILLION DOLLAR PRIZE.

Last night, Chase won the reward challenge and selected Holly and Sash to join him for a river cruise complete with hoagies and champagne. The problem with this? He completely dicked over Jane who was one of his alliance. To be honest, so was Sash and Holly, but neither deserved to go on reward more than tough as nails Jane. For an old broad she outlasted ALL of the MEN in one of the toughest physical challenges of Survivor just a few weeks ago. Even Jeff was amazed at how she outlasted men in their prime of life.

So Chase, Sash and Holly go off into the reward wilds with their loved ones. This was the episode where the Survivors families got to see them at last. Always a tear jerker, its heartwarming to see grown men and women sobbing to see spouses and family after 30+ days in the jungle without any contact from them whatsoever.

Poor Jane. She cried a little over Chase's cold shoulder and not being selected to see her family or EAT. For some reason, season after season, these people bond to one another like old college buddies not realizing the entire game is built on deception. The Outwit part seems to escape some of the softies every time and they get their hearts broken. (Remember Coach and Boston Rob?)

Now, the BIGGEST question of all time is why Dan is still on the show. He's one of the "not a threat, under-the-radar" players. But the guy can't even WALK! He's old, got bad knees and can't compete on any physical level at all. Yet, the other players overlook this and let him stay.

When the three came back from Reward, Jane asked point blank "are you writing my name down?" All three start looking elsewhere, scratching their heads and acting stupid like they don't understand English. Where's the improvisation guys? A good Survivor needs to have Shakespearean acting under his belt or look stupid lying to everyone. In this case, the silence spoke volumes and Jane left fuming to the camera about her "homeboy" Chase being a backstabbing bastard. We agreed. We like Jane. We really liked when she flipped off the group with her middle finger. But what she did next, was AWESOME!

Next up, the Immunity Challenge. A blindfolded challenge that Fabio won hands down and eyes wide shut. By the way, the Immunity Necklace is awesome looking this year. Way to go producers.

So what does Jane do right before Tribal Council? A classic move NEVER done before by a bitter Survivor. She took a bucket of water and dumped it on the campfire! The Survivors were pissed! The Lazy Bastards that they are don't want to have to build a new one! HAHAHA! Score for the tough old broad from Carolina.

Off to Tribal where Jane releases a verbal torrent of anger on the Sash, Holly and Chase. She blatantly called out Holly, the previous psychopath who stole Dan's shoes in Ep. #1 and sank them into the river. A $1,400 pair of custom alligator shoes that belonged to Dan. Dan sat there and nodded his head as Jane said that where she comes from that's a jailable offense. Holly looked stricken. Jane continued to vent, going off on the three. "There's absolutely no loyalty in tonight's vote. It's full of liars and backstabbers", she said. She called out their alliance and generally spoke her mind.

WE LOVED every minute of it!

This is where Jeff steps in and just pointedly says "why don't the three of you (Jane, Dan and Fabio) form an alliance right now and vote Holly?" Chase and Sash have immunity idols. "Why not force a tie?" YOU GO, JEFF.

Well, that was not to be. Sash and Chase played their Immunity Idols and Dan and Fabio joined with the other three instead and Jane got booted. BOO!

Finally, Jeff is hinting at something EPIC to be revealed at the LIVE finale reunion show on Sunday. We can't wait.

TUNE IN SUNDAY FOR THE FINAL EPISODE OF THE SEASON.

Jeff Probst's Blog at EW.com

SURVIVOR: Quitters Incorporated

"We quit you!"

In the most fucked up episode of Survivor to date - and believe us, there's been many a fucked up moment - two players quit one after the other in perfect succession and in a parade of stupidity.

First, the episode was already in the Twilight Zone for the worst cross-promotion of anything we've ever seen. The reward challenge was to lug around a giant "Gulliver" through an obstacle course. First team through won a first look a the new Gulliver's Travel movie starring Jack Black. We were appalled.

At least we thought so. We didn't know that what was coming next would be even more appalling.

At the end of the challenge, when the winning team was celebrating, stupid Naonka told Jeff that she was done and would be leaving that night. Jeff asked if she was quitting and she said Yes. A stunned Jeff Probst quickly glanced around the remaining Survivors and asked "Does anyone else want to quit?"

Before he could even finish his sentence, "Purple" Kelly had her arm up.

Wha?

This led to a mini-tirade by Jeff who ended it like a boss who refuses a 2-week notice. He basically told them to think it over.

At this point he informed the winning team that if one of them would give up the reward itself he would give the entire tribe a new tarp and some rice to get through the next 11 days.

Silence....crickets...shocked and appalled faces trained on Naonka WHO JUST GAVE UP THE SHOW AND STILL REFUSED TO STEP UP AND GIVE UP REWARD FOR OTHER FOOD FOR THE TRIBE.

Quote "I wasn't about to give up my food. I ain't no fool."

No Naonka, you are not a fool. What you are is an asshole, a despicable bitch and pretty much a worthless sack of shit.

At Tribal Council it was pouring rain. The only one that looked good was Jeff. As always. There wasn't even a vote. The 2 quitters went home after a grilling from Jeff, who was astonished that Naonka said she still thought she could've won.

Add delusional to the list of adjectives to describe this loathsome woman. As a soaking wet God, Jeff couldn't have been in even more shock than was already laid on him from the entire day of quitters. He asked her again and she said the same.

As punishment Jeff extinguished Naonka's and Kelly's torches and did not give them back to them. He instead propped them up in Tribal Council as "a reminder that you quit."

Did we ever mention we love Jeff Probst? Of course we did! He explains on his blog why these 2 were allowed to stay on the jury. We still don't buy it and think they should have been sent all the way home.

Jeff's Blog at EW.com