Thursday, September 23, 2010

SURVIVOR: Crazy Town

Homophobic Shannon scouting for possible infiltration
of gay people...from New York

WOW! First off, let us remind everyone, that this isn't the Survivor Blog - it's still The Omni Report but since Survivor is one of the best shows is our summary of last night's episode...

HOLY FUCKING BAT SHIT! Not one, but TWO survivors lost their shit last night...

First off, the episode was kind of boring. It only had one challenge that was for both Reward and Immunity and we hate those episodes. There was lots of "camp talking" and nothing was happening...until...Holly of the "Old" tribe, feeling, well...crazy, overheard someone calling her crazy and well...went crazy. She stole the guys SHOES, loaded them with sand and then promptly dropped them off in the lagoon, letting them sink all 5 inches to the very bottom, where they looked like a new type of fish to be caught for supper. Or actually a pair of sand filled shoes.

Cut to the Old People camp and lo and behold it's an all out APB for the shoes. And it turns out, they aren't just shoes...they are $1,600, hand-made, custom, 100% pure alligator dressy shoes. We're not sure where to begin here!

1) People who pay $1,600 for shoes are fucked up in the head.
2) Only someone fucked up in the head would BRING a pair of $1,600 dollar shoes to the goddamn jungle to begin with.
3) The harmless "oh but he called me crazy" prank turns out to be a fucking grand theft larceny!

Cut to the shot of the sunken shoes and try not to laugh...

Okay, THEN it gets crazy...Holly, completely overcome with guilt and waking up to her actions, is horrified, calls a tribal meeting and spills her guts. As she is confessing, the stolen shoes guy (hey, it's week 2, who the hell knows their names?), confesses back "If you were a guy I'd punch you" or something like that. He was clearly in shock and kept mumbling "She stole my shoes, she stole my shoes." Where's Russell Hantz when you need him? I'd like to see the way he would've handled his shoes being sunk into a lagoon, by a psycho chick. So Holly, the psycho chick, wrote her own obituary here and if Old Tribe loses, she is gone.

At the Reward/Immunity Challenge the Old Tribe uses the **Cue the heavy metal music** "MEDALLION OF POWER" to their advantage and actually win! The Infant Tribe is totally shocked and sent for the first time to Tribal Council. Holly wins a reprieve...

This is the point in the episode where Survivor #2 goes crazy. At Tribal Council, Jeff asked one question. One tiny-weenie question and BOOM. Crazy Fucking Town.

Jeff "Fearless Leader and Sex God" Probst: "Shannon, how difficult do you find the game?"

To which Shannon went off on a homophobic filled rant where he vented on Chase then Sash. (Where are the guys getting their names from? Shannon? Chase? Sash?) They quipped about who had the hotter girlfriends, how New York is full of gay people and on and on went Shannon, digging his grave faster than Wendy did last week. To which Jeff replied "New York is filled with gay people?" and to which Shannon replied "They have more than Louisiana." Poor there no diversity down there? Hasn't Shannon EVER BEEN to a Mardi Gras Parade? There's more gay in one hour than any normal year in NY.

So, Goodbye Shannon, the homophobe with the girly name.

Tune in next week to witness Jimmy Johnson bond with some monkeys! Can't wait!

This season is shaping up really good, really fast.

Jeff's Survivor Blog at

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