Thursday, December 15, 2011

SURVIVOR: "This Game's Not Made For Me, Bro"

Brandon "It's God's Will" Hantz

Lat night's ep was the last regular episode of the season. And what a great season it's been.

Sunday's night's finale is set up to be one of the best ever.

Against unbelievable odds, Coach's alliance has made it INTACT from day one to the very end. It was an amazing run. Now, the fireworks really begin as the last of the 4 alliance mates will implode, which we predict will be spectacularly.

First up was the Redemption Island duel with Edna vs. Ozzy. You would think that Ozzy would wipe the floor with her but a crazy thing happened. Once again, Survivor NEVER FAILS TO DISAPPOINT. While Ozzy was getting through the first half of the challenge with ease, Edna struggled. Then the tribe, which is all 6 of the Te Tuna alliance, started yelling at her what to do. It worked and Edna caught up so fast to Ozzy that she had the final puzzle half way finished. Jeff kept saying, "Ozzy's on his own" and rubbing it in his face. It was pretty cool to see the people that voted her out last week trying to help her. I think it eased the pain when she lost.

Also, one last word on Edna. She's the only Survivor in recent history that had no trouble throwing her buff into the fire. Most people try to hold onto it as a memento or at least feel bad destroying it at the end. Not Edna, "this thing stinks, I can't wait to burn it," she said. Jeff laughed, everyone applauded her and a good time was had by all.

Well not really. Ozzy waved to everyone and then was back to Redemption to wait for one more person to get voted off and come and challenge him. That person is...

Drums please...Brandon Hantz.

What a putz! Brandon made a classic Survivor Move of Stupidity.

At the Immunity challenge, Brandon pretty much kicked ass and won. Coach was kind of close but not quick enough. And we got to see Coach looked very pissed. He was still very zen-like but in a angry zen way. He looked like one of the Angry Birds.

Everyone was resigned to voting out Albert, who's been getting on their nerves. However, Albert went to Brandon and played the Blood Brother card. Albeit he pleaded his case very poorly as far was we were concerned, but Brandon got all fraternal and changed his mind. He then went to Coach and told him that he's going to sacrifice his Immunity and give it to Albert.

Coach then prayed for a name. And he was given one. You see God is a big Survivor fan and we're pretty sure that the producers are recruiting straight from the Bible Belt because the last few seasons have given us some pretty heavy Jesus freaks and Brandon is NUMERO UNO.

At Tribal Council, Brandon didn't even wait for Jeff to start or even say hello. He announced immediately that he was giving his Immunity necklace to Albert. Brandon has no filter of any kind and then started spouting all of his God talk. Now, were not against God in any way shape or form and it IS nice to see people on TV praise Him or whatever, but not like this. When people - Brandon - start saying that "God told me this or that" or "It's God's will that I win or don't win" they sound fucking crazy and it's annoying and you just then look at them with pity instead of respect. And that's what happened to Brandon. He knew he was digging his own grave and got to the point where he actually said "if Coach votes me out it's God's will."

BINGO! Coach got his "out" with Brandon and was able to vote him off without violating any "Honor and Integrity Rules". So Bye- bye Brandon.

What were Coach's parting words of wisdom? "It’s God’s will. Go win redemption.”

We don't even know what to say about that. Our jaw hit the floor in shock because Coach sounded like a religious cult leader who just administered a bucket of kool-aid and then we collapsed in laughter.

He's off to challenge Ozzy for the final Redemption Duel. Winner gets put back into the game and the final 5 go on to cut each others throats.

That was when Brandon made the most succinct statement of the season to Ozzy - "This game's not made for me, Bro."

Look for a CRAZY showdown on Sunday night as 3 people are voted out and three vie for a win.

What does Jeff think?

"But right now my vote would go to Coach if he makes it."


EW's recap's 3 Q's with Jeff Probst

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