Thursday, October 27, 2011

SURVIVOR: "Jesus on 3..One..Two..Three..Jesus!"

South Pacific is the 23rd season of Survivor

We've watched Survivor since the show debuted on May 31, 2000. It is widely considered to be on the of the best competition reality shows in history and its suave host Jeff Probst has swept the Reality Show Hosting Award for 4 consecutive years. Yeah, Probst! It has won Emmy's for best sound mixing and others but it won our hearts on Day One from Hello.

There's just something about it. The dynamics of social play, the crazy and ridiculous challenges, the strategies and lengths people go through to not starve and also win and of course the debonair, Jeff Probst.

And after over 300 episodes and over 350 contestants THE SHOW DOES NOT DISAPPOINT. Last nights episode was fucking awesome in every way.

The Redemption Island challenge was a barn burner that Christine won her 5th Redemption Island challenge in a ROW, channeling last years Matt who freakin' swept the Redemption Challenges the whole way through.

Christine is in for a surprise though, for at the end of the episode THINGS GOT CRAZY. Like Britney Spears crazy although not Phillip crazy (We loved Phillip, btw).

First, we shall start with Coach "Sometimes you just gotta put a bullet in their head" Wade's Tribe, the Upolo. We kind of like them but like Coach the best. We want COACH to win it all.

However, Coach is saddled with Evil Russell's nephew, Brandon Hantz. We wouldn't mind so much except this boy is all sorts of fucked up. He needs a shrink stat.

Cut to close up of Coach on the beach praying to God that he isn't worthy and doing some kind of made up Tai Chi - but it looked good and Coach is a stand up guy. When he goes all "Jesus Freak" on you it's bearable because he does it right. Not hell and damnation, red neck Jesus Freak per se, but an Almighty Creator, pray to God the Father tolerable one. Anyway, it works and isn't too annoying and its gets even better.

Of course, everyone wanted to win the tribal challenge for both immunity and reward. Almost the lamest reward ever - a screening of a new Adam Sandler movie - but after being sensory deprived for weeks it seemed funny to the winners. We would have been more interested in the hot dogs and candy but oh well....

The producers had all of the Survivors make themselves up...we're not even going there (see the pics below to know why). So the challenge is underway and you see and hear Coach on the bench fervently praying out loud to God: "God almighty, father in heaven give us the strength to win this. I swear to God if we win we will get on our knees and thank you right here in front of everyone" or something to that was hilarious.

So....Coach's team wins! And before anyone can celebrate Coach literally grabs them and pulls them into the sand yelling "on your knees. Right now!" or something like was hilarious. So they gave a very public thanks to God right on the beach. Yay...God! "Jesus" on 3..One..Two..Three..Jesus!

So, Ozzy's tribe loses and Ozzy does something no one in the history of the show has ever done. This is going to spark debate on whether or not he is the most brilliant Survivor EVER or literally the dumbest. And remember, Ozzy holds the record for being voted out of the game while holding TWO IMMUNITY IDOLS. It's hard to top that level of stupid but he's damn sure going to try.

Ozzy is convinced the tribes will merge next week. So he gave his Immunity idol to Cochran to hold for him so he could GO TO REDEMPTION ISLAND ON PURPOSE.

Yes, folks, Ozzy had the Tribe DELIBERATELY VOTE HIM OFF, so he could "win" at Redemption Island, come back into the game after the merge and then his tribe, the Savaii, should have "the numbers going into the merge".

Probst was literally stunned. "Let me offer another argument,” he said. “If you don’t win the duel, you go out a bigger fool than last time.”

Reiterating here - This is either in-your-face genius or stupid-as-shit.

And he was voted off. To go to Redemption Island. And not lose. Wow.

As far as Cochran, the lovable nerd/geek/underdog on Ozzy's tribe, he had ALL THE BEST LINES LAST NIGHT after losing the challenge and getting blamed for it. His tribe, Savaii, told him to his face he had to go...wishing him well at Redemption Island and to "come back soon". Although it didn't happen, Ozzy fell on his sword or "sacked up" as he so eloquently put it.

Cochran said this: "I'm used to being the odd man out but this is whole new level of ostracism" and "I don't get this kumbaya rationale" and "I feel like the court jester." Oh, you silly Cohran! You had us at "Call me Cohran" on day one.

Seriously, Survivor just gets better and better. It's must see TV.

Savaii all made up
the looks on their face say it all...
Its the look your dog has when you put him in clothes.
And that's Cochran on the right, the pasty white little one ;)

Upolo all made up and yes,
men wearing bikini tops FOR NO REASON

Wiki Survivor: South Pacific Page. Great stats and updates on all challenges, remaining players and much more.'s 3 Q's for Jeff Probst

Official Survivor site at

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